Kratos Costume pt3: Gauntlets and Shins

I bought some cheap gauntlets/shin guards from Costumes Etc for about $6 a pop. They are nothing more than flimsy plastic right now, but they have the look I'm going for. The idea is to cut out several layers of foam seal to give them some girth, then pack it tight (heh) and glue it all together. Afterward, spray paint the foam seal so Kratos doesn't have exposed pink anywhere on his body.

Will have to see how this comes together this week...

Foam Seal!

Shin guards!

 

Gah!

I glued everything together, and it looked absolutely terrible. Hoo-ray! My next attempt will involve working with leather.

Level Up: New Squat/Deadlift Max

Today, I got some very good advice on my deadlift form (alas, training alone allows you to develop shitty habits sometimes), and was able to identify my major weak points in training.

First...this happened.

 Deadlift Max Lift (405-->465)

I brought my current deadlift max from 405 to 425, then 445, then fucking 465 out of nowhere. Granted, it was ugly, but they were complete.


Squat Max Lift (305-->315)
Worked up to 315 and hit it like it was nothing
Set 1, was my bitch
Set 2, was slightly hard
Set 3, I accuse my training partner of adding weight when I got water
Set 4, my legs shat themselves
Set 5, I looked silly for 15seconds before I sat down in defeat


Current maxes
Bench - 250 (need to test, pulled 10 singles of 230 like it wasn't there)
Overhead Press - 160

Squat - 315

Deadlift - 465

Behind the Neck Press - 210

Powercleans - Ten Triples at 190

With this, my powerlifting total finally broke 1000 (bench/squat/deadlift): 250 + 315 + 465 = 1030.
Level up. Get stronger.

Spot Me Brah pt Deux

When someone asks you for a spot in the gym, it is polite to oblige without question (the only reason you would say no is you are about to start a set, or are too tired to help).

One of the gearheads at my LA Fitness asked if I could spot him while he squats. I admitted that while I had never done so before, I would do my best to help him out. Let me preface this ultimately failed lift with the following:

This guy was huge. Large, lean, and had relatively good form in his warmup sets for squats (he did not cheat any range of motion) as well as having the long legs that facilitate a squat. He walked around the gym with an alpha pose I could only assume had been earned by years under the iron. Anotherwords, I assumed he knew what the fuck he was doing. Ehhhhh. Wrong.

Roidrage loads up the bar with 275. I assumed this meant he was going to use his massive strength to rep to failure, and needed me to help when he did not have the sense to just sit down. Nope. Roidrage goes down for rep 1, and doesn't even move at the bottom of the squat rack.

"Help me brah, cmon!"

Ok...I pull up on the bar until he can stand up.

"Ok, one more," he says.

No, I thought. You didn't get the first one Smalls. There is no one more for you. This time you're on your own. He goes down and immediately falls forward towards the back end of the squat rack (instead of sitting down onto the safety bars like a normal person would), makes a lot of noise, and turns around to face me.

"Where were you brah?"

I believe I was where I needed to be. For future reference, the picture below is what he expected me to do.

Ya no thanks

In my mind, spotting still only applies to a few situations.

Spotting is:

- protecting someone's life if they fail a heavy lift
- assisting someone for a forced rep at the end of a set

Spotting is not:

- pretend time where I lift something for you

If a weight is too heavy, it's too heavy. That's what getting stronger is all about. Your worst challenge today is a cakewalk a year from now. Roidrage should have known better.

Planet Fitness: Keeping You Fat Since 1992

I can't say anything to hurt Planet Fitness that Planet Fitness hasn't already done to itself. They have free pizza and Hershey kiss days, and cultivate soft and self conscious sheep. They have a contradictory policy that all people who makes noises have to leave immediately (they have a lunk alarm that screams whenever someone grunts) while they spout non-discrimination rules.

They do, however, make fun commercials.



I've started doing this in the mirror all the God damn time now. Stay out of Planet Fitness.

Bang Pow. Get stronger.

Past Kratos Cosplayers

I've been looking up people who have done the Kratos costume in the past in order to pick up as many do's and don'ts as I can along the way.

Most of these guys did a pretty damn good job. All things considered, it's pretty hard to nail down the Kratos physique and attitude.

Vegan Kratos

This guy is skinny as shit. I'm not completely crazy about the costume either, although I really do like the blood glazed on his blades. Another option he presents is not painting himself at all (besides the red), which would be a reference to the pre-GOW game style of Kratos.

It was too late, he was already one of them

Robot Kratos. Pfft, ok.

Beta Kratos wants you to know, he's here for you and your feelings

Paint job looks a little rough, but the main problem I have with this getup is the attitude. There is 0 malevolence in this face.

Is actually a black guy

Why this dude didn't stay black and go with the fear costume is beyond me. The entire costume looks pretty good, but the one point I'd like to make is he looks too clean (no fault against him, it's just my personal preference for this costume). He looks like he was shining his skin and weapons before this picture.

What I've learned from Jenni Kallberg's Samus costume, is that the battle worn look adds a new dimension to your look. I want to add cuts and strains to the paint on my body, fake blood on my face and chest, and stain my blades with rust and blood. Done.

Shiny?

Obviously put a lot of time into his costume (this is Kratos as the actual God of War after he murders Aries), there just isn't anything that appeals to me in this costume.

I know

I wanted to site this costume for one reason. This seems to be the only guy who bothered to find a way to fit the blades of chaos onto his back when he got tired of holding them. In the game, they somehow magically adhere to Kratos' back. Da fuck?

I'll have to look at other options, but for now it seems like I'm holding whatever I make.

 

While I'm not sure if these 2 pictures are the same guy (he appeared in Brazil for the GOW3 release party), but they both have the same thing that pisses me off. They have the muscles to pull off the costume, but they painted themselves silly with detail. Yes...it looks kinda cool, but it just looks like a lie. 

 

Fucking scary. This is my favorite Kratos by far. He's too skinny to fill out the costume, but he doesn't seem to give a shit. He is sharp and will hurt you.

Douche

This guy was at DragonCon last year. I like how he has broken away from the norm by donning a Medusa head as one of his weapons.

Hey! Well...ok.

Movies pt4: The Masked Pretender

Worked on this with Nick, Shea, Kit, Phillip, and a few kittens.

The 10min version was much prettier than the 5min version we had to submit for CMF. Regardless, this is one I like more and more as time goes on.

A great deal of things that bother me about this film were caused simply because we ran out of time, or I fucked up with the lighting/audio recording.

Zac Caplan did the music for us, and it sounds pretty good (most notably the Bane segment). The only real piece of audio that irks me is Phillip's (Robin) voice over about 7seconds into the movie. Fuck. FUCK.

Other than that, the only real disappointing thing was nobody got any of the jokes, and we were unable to reedit the full film later. Also, we kinda had to shove the plot down peoples' birth canals in order to finish on time. Much was lost in translation. Most notably the fact that Robin is posing as Batman. Yeah, oops.

The Masked Pretender

Level 1-3, and Everything Else that Matters

When I was 5 I got my first nintendo.

I was terrified of Super Mario Brothers

The game confounded me

I would call my dad into the room to handle the large jump in level 1-1

and I was forever stuck on level 1-2

I had dreams about what level 1-3 would be like

I was convinced people would pop out of the TV and shake my hand

fireworks would go off

and I would be thanked for beating the hardest level of all time

I truly believed this

and when the dust settled, I finally reached my goal

A bit of my childhood died away in a silent jump to the next level

no thanks

no awards

not even a princess

but sometimes...

if you time it juuuust right

you can still get those fireworks to jump out

and they make me smile

Food?

My name is Aaron Brandt, this is some of my food.

Death Mountain

Sandwich ends are made of girl scout Samoa cookies. Creamy center is constructed mainly of peanut butter and nutella. A nice honey crown drips through the monster daring anyone to touch it. Explodes in your mouth, and in your hands.



Mexican Standoff Pizza

Toppings: Hot salsa (subbing for pizza sauce), pepperoni, 1lb ground beef, mushrooms, jalapeno peppers, sharp Cheddar cheese, feta cheese, rosemary

Fried Cheese by the Foot

A fruit by the foot is wrapped around a slice of deli pepper jack cheese. Roll the product up like sushi, coat in honey and granola. Fry it, carefully. Trisect the object, serve with Tabasco dipping sauce.

Dodeca-stuff Oreos

Cut out the creme of an entire box of oreos to make a few giant cookies (dodeca = 12 layers of creme). They were all quite a bit larger than they appear in this picture, but they were crushed slightly in transit (sent them to a chick in Germany).

Movies pt3: Tears of Children

Nick and Aldon wrote this beauty on how to capture and bottle childrens' tears for hot sauce profit. Fucking delicious.

The intro sequence involved burning a painting I made on the day. It pretty much started a fire in my (then) girlfriend's apartment. A lot of editing time went towards timing out the song ("Que Sera Sera" from Katemari) to the footage, as well as finding out how to color correct everything...which was a pretty awful fail.

Tears of Children

Kratos Costume pt2: Blades of Chaos

I'm paying a young industrial design student in booze to help me construct Kratos' blades of chaos.

We started by printing a scaled version of the blades, and separating them into the hilt and blades. Then, the pictures were cut out and traced on top of sign foam.

Original Picture

Blade and hilt cutouts

Blade and hilt outlines on sign foam

Next Steps
- Cut through the trace to get the general shape
- Halve the blade trace to get both blades
- Cut detail into shaped foam
- Prime and paint the finished product (metallic spray paint for a shiny look)

Squats and Deadlifts

First, let's get this out in the open.

I'm glad we had this talk.

Why Squats and Deadlifts 
Let's start out simple. Both exercises activate more than 75% of your body's muscles. They also allow you to use the largest weight loads without having to sacrifice form or function. If you are a natural strength trainee, your main goal is to place increasing demands on your body's muscles and central nervous system. You cannot afford to either ignore these movements or half ass them (deadlifting and squatting 135 will not make a man out of a male). The only real decision you need to make is frequency of use. Rather, most people can squat several times per week, but one round of deadlifts per week puts one out for more than just 2 days.

Squats
- quadriceps
- glutes
- hamstrings
- abs
- calves
- traps and arms

Deadlifts
- same as squats
- also emphasis placed on back

Famous picture for a reason

Pain and Excuses
It's very easy to come up with excuses to avoid either or both exercises. You'll hurt your back, it's bad for your knees, I don't want callouses, I can't lift a lot because of my grip. Granted, if you're doing it right, all of these statements are bullshit (except the gripes concerning callouses and grip, in which case you just have to man up and get some chalk), but they all surround one common theme. Pain and mental fortitude.

When you are training heavy enough, each rep will feel like a mountain. Sometimes, you will get stuck halfway in the middle of a rep and have to make a decision. Do I try, or do I fail? This is not as easy of a decision as you might think. Stuck under a mountain, feeling worn and used, you have to fire every shred of strength you have in order to push or pull the bar up. The only time you will fail is if you doubt your own ability to finish what you started.

The only time I have injured myself on an exercise was when I went for 2 reps of a squat at 295 (this was months ago). I was telling my friend that I felt a snap near my groin halfway through rep 2, and knew the damage had been done. He asked, "Did you finish the rep?"

Damn straight.

My hands are bleeding from squatting 300x10x1 and deadlifting 405x10x1. My current maxes are squat: 305 and deadlift: 405. They will change next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, until I am unable to move or run out of skin. Soon.

Get stronger.

My fingers 2 days after the bleeding stopped and the blisters were popped

Movies pt2: Laundry Day

While not an original work (based off an animation to the line), I really like this short. The actors both played their parts extremely well, and the animation looks fucking good for only using Final Cut and Livetype.

Laundry Day

Dirty Knowledge and Other GChats

From Dirty...
With (in order): intelligence, courage, ambition, and power....you have a chance at having integrity...and the ability to do/change just about anything

I'll use my fatty logic...as I was angry when this came up.

If you're stupid...then nothing will inform you that heart disease, diabetes, etc. is a bad thing.
If you are too scared to take a good look at yourself and eliminate all excuses...then you'll never have an environment to succeed in not being a fatass.
If you're apathetic to the end game of being a fatass (lower quality of living, horrifically painful death), then you'll never have the drive to make changes.
If you don't have the willpower to resist temptation, then you'll never be able to stick to your changes.

Without all of the above...you can never really be sure you have integrity in your life decisions.  Because you can be either: manipulated through stupidity; intimidated by consequences; indifferent to injustice; lacking in resolve.

....now it could just be the bourbon or my anger from the Marta ride talking, but at the moment....this makes sense.


Meanwhile, in another chat window, this happened...
so im fuckin her from behind like 2 minutes ago
pull out
rip off condom
and explode like the whole load in her hair
dude it was huge
she is so mad at me right now
me: did you scrub it in?
a little


I like my friends.

Chaos and Pain 2

I've really been enjoying Chaos and Pain so far. It's a different combination of volume and resting periods I've used in the past, and I can see myself training like this for a while.
With the exception of accessory exercises, I'm using the rep scheme below for each exercise...
5-10x3 85% 1RM
5-12x2 90% 1RM
5-15x1 95% 1RM

The weights and volumes can change on any given day, and I use accessory either as fun, useless fun (a la pumps), or just when I have energy to burn. Below is an example of a week with an accessory grab bag. I may use anywhere from 5-12 sets on each exercise depending how I feel (trying to keep rest periods down to 1-1.5min), and accessory occurs if and when it is necessary.

Generally, one exercise will be heavy singles (95%) and the other triples (85%). The next week will use the same exercises, but the percentages used will switch.

Ex:
Week1
Squat 95% Singles
Bench 85% Triples

Week2
Squat 85% Triples
Bench 95% Singles

1.
Squat
Bench

2.
Deadlift
Chinup

3.
Behind the Neck Push Press
DB Bench
Breathing Squats

4.
Powerclean
Row/Kroc Row

Misc
Overhead Press
Dips
Front Squats
Partial Squats
Hammer Curl
Overhead Tricep Extension
Lateral Raises

Breathing Squats: LSD Under a Barbell

It's 8pm on a Tuesday night. You are all out of acid, your roommates took all your bud (except for seeds and stems, fucking assholes), and the CVS refuses to sell you any more Robitussin.

Fear not, oh grounded friend, for I have found a way to see God juggling hamster shaped chainsaws without the pleasurable tingle of substance abuse.

Breathing Squats

Take a weight you are certain you can squat for no more than 10 reps, then do it for 20 instead. When you are tired, stand under the bar and take deep deep breaths between every rep. DO NOT for any reason give up. You are a lone sire weightlifter, and your orders are to stand under that bar until you prevail or die (please use safety bars underneath numb nuts).

When you breathe, your air should push your abdomen out (those who play wind instruments should recognize this method).

Another way to approach breathing squats is the following:
Reps 1-10, 1 deep breathe between reps
Reps 11-15, 2 deep breathes between reps
Reps 15-20, 3 or more deep breathes between reps

Squat. Breath. Squat. Breath. Trip balls, get stronger.


p.s. You may puke. Just sayin.

Chaos and Pain

It took until last week to realize I'm fucking tired of 5/3/1. I can feel myself walking through workouts and not feeling any stronger because of it. Although I have made some improvements on my bench and overhead press, I have no more use for an upper/lower split (or any split for that matter). I need something difficult. I need something brutal. I need Chaos and Pain.

Chaos and Pain is a blog written by Jamie Lewis, and emphasizes a lifestyle filled with lifting heavy shit. He abhors any talk of naturals vs gearheads, and insists that you can do any fucking thing you want (the Bulgarian Olympic weightlifting team is most often sited as a group of humans who have adapted to train like animals without worrying about overtraining).

I'm starting out with this routine, and seeing how it feels (so far, God damned fantastic). All exercises adhere to the following rep ranges unless otherwise noted.

Rep Ranges
Week1: 85% 1RM, 10x3, 1-2min rest
Week2: 90% 1RM, 12x2, 1-1.5min rest
Week3: 95% 1RM, 15x1, 1min rest

1.
Back Squat
DB Bench
Hammer Curl (3x8)

2.
Deadlift
Clean/Press (clean once, press/push press for reps)

3.
Bench Press
Front Squat
Weighted Chinup*
Partial Squat* (singles only)

4.
Powerclean
Good Morning
Behind the Neck Push Press

I'm still playing with what works and what doesn't, and I expect this format to change quite a bit over the next week or so (it is a far cry from Jamie's sample template, but his whole deal is that you do what you feel like as long as it's heavy).

Jamie Lewis kicking ass

Be brutal. Get stronger.


Edit 1/2013: I come back to this template 2 years later and shake my head. Although my philosophy has not changed dramatically, my approach certainly has (especially in the way I look at different lifts). Live and learn I guess.

Also, I feel like an ass for giving any sort of shit to 5/3/1. I was impatient and a little bit of a bitch. Really, 5/3/1 is the first time I attempted anything truly structured in the gym. Although I have no desire to follow the bread crumbs, the program put me on the right path to what I needed.

NO Shotgun: A Voyage Wrapped in Tums and Pepto

I found an old pre-workout supplement, NO Shotgun, sitting in a deep cubbard of my apartment. Apparently, hiding it from myself was not an effective deterrent to old and forgotten memories of usage, so I said fuck it and poured myself a scoop.

NO Shotgun features 2 potent effects on your body
- a crack like go-get'em hyper active attitude
- explosive nitric oxide poop

Both of these help with lifting (especially if you are hung over), but not in the way it should.

Now, there should be no doubts before a heavy deadlift. You should be completely focused on visualizing the pull. NO Shotgun takes your mind where it needs to be, but only because your brain is screaming to your sphincter in rough baritone 'hoooolllldddd, holllllddddddd' lest you unleash your undigested soul through your anus in a moment of iron and passion.
 
Make no mistake, explosive supplements make for violent rushes to the bathroom, and it's awful for everyone (and that means you).
It's the kind of poop that spawns unearthly comic book onomatopoeia like 'Gorsh!' and 'Puuulag?'
My NO Shotgun shit causes disturbances in the force
At least 9 children have died in 3rd world countries from drinking water contaminated by my afterbirth
It will give you the power of a Titan, then shame you 30min later.

Captain Slippy Colon in a Jar

Stay away. Get stronger.

It's awful for everyone, and that means you.

Movies pt1: Gauntlet

In our spare time, my friends and I make short films. I don't often get to discuss what I liked/hated about each one, or what it actually took to put them together. This string of articles will likely be a 'why the fuck not' section more than anything else. 

Gauntlet

The goal of this film was to enter the Klondike Bar Challenge to find a creative way to get a ping pong ball into a solo cup. A lot of confusion and quick effort was put into getting this done (we were already close to the deadline by the time we started), but it got submitted on time. Disqualified a full 5 minutes later.

Nick wrote this film while we were under the influence. I got so excited, I immediately called Nate (guy running the Gauntlet) and asked him if he would mind being pelted by hundreds of ping pong balls for no money. Of course, he was down. I ordered something around 670 ping pong balls, all of which were thrown down a hill after I donated them to my fratnerity. Nothing like literally having my money thrown down a hill...

Nate's costume was hurriedly constructed out of cardboard, solo cups, and duct tape (he wore tight fitting underarmor underneath). Most of the balls were thrown or heaved by the people who showed up. The vacuum/money shot was devised by more than a few of my frat brothers. They experimented with different extensions to the vacuum until something like 150 balls could be shoved inside. Greg turned on the vacuum and cupped the entrance with his hand so the balls were ready to fire out the moment he pulled away. The 'flying' shot was of Nate riding on my back as we inched forward.

Lessons Learned
- don't leave your construction shit in the background (shot with Greg blowing his load)
- whenever you miss out on free shots, you end up having to enlarge a shot to get what you need (destroys quality)

Haikus from Dirty pt1

Raw sweaty iron
is food for my calluses.
Tough men have tough hands

I, Kratos

Kratos is not a bodybuilder, he is a warrior
He has never done a curl, or seen what a tricep pulldown looks like

Kratos sprints, climbs, fucks, and kills
I want to be Kratos

The Ice Gym

For the past 2 days, my car has been locked in a sheet of ice. Shame on you Atlanta for not buying copious amounts of equipment necessary for clearing the roads when it snows. We would need it at least once every 20yrs. Cmon...

I would normally put a hold on my training because all of the gyms are closed, but that's kind of retarded. I rediscovered 2 exercises that I've ignored for too long.

1. Burpees
If you have never tried a burpee before, you probably don't know what it feels like to be truly exhausted and helpless. To perform...
   a. Squat down from a standing position
   b. Kick your legs out so you are in a pushup position
   c. Do a pushup
   d. Retract your legs until you are in a squat position again
   e. Do a squat jump, land standing up
Try 3-5 sets of 10 and work from there

2. Random Fratty Shit
In college, we used to pass the time by racing office chairs, breaking into abandoned buildings, and just general urban adventuring. It seemed like a good idea to drag my worn couch out of my house and sled it down hills.

Piedmont Park at 12am. We will miss you dear couch.

Go outside and play douchbag. Get stronger.

28 days later. Go Atlanta.

Level Up Two Steps at a Time

I have been doing heavy single lifts after my usual 5/3/1 workout in an attempt to push up my 1RM. For weeks, I have been hitting 3 solid squat singles at 300, but have yet to re-hit my all time best of 305 for 1.

What happened here? The next step up from 300 to 305 is only about a 1% increase in weight, and yet it feels like a mountain has been added to my back. I remember I used to feel the same way about 300, until one random day I hit 305. All of a sudden, 300 wasn't shit anymore. Once you have climbed up to a new pedestal, everything underneath is cake.

I've found that this has applied to more than just strength training in my life. While playing trumpet, I would always practice to hit a note higher than the one I needed to play live. If I only struggled to hit the note I needed to play, I would only be reinforcing the wall set at that note (not to mention it would sound like used shit).

It's clear what I need to do. I don't need to 'make it' to 305, I need to fuck up 310. The rest is downhill.

Slow and steady wins the race, but the hare fucks the prom queen. Get stronger.

Why Get Stronger?

Just cause it's awesome? Next.

I end every one of my posts with Get Stronger for a reason.

Many people (see: most) work out because they want to look good naked. And...I have 0 problem with that. The issue with ONLY working out for aesthetic purposes is that it will never be enough. You will never feel skinny enough, muscular enough, or pretty enough to please yourself. Although you may know this in the back of your head, denial is a powerful slut.

Well why the fuck doesn't this work?
Surely you can see yourself changing as you train, but to focus on the aesthetic is also to focus on how people view you. It's no longer an approval of yourself, but external validation is also needed in order to feel...'perfect.' Once you have placed the value of looks in someone else's hands, you have failed to spend your time on yourself.

Do beautiful women and high self esteem typically go together? I didn't think so. This is not always the case, but I've seen far more beautiful women and men that are pleased with their bodies who worked to get stronger than worked to get naked.

Work for yourself, getting naked will take care of itself.

I'd fuck me. Get stronger.

The Bear Jew

Made up a new exercise by simplifying a combination of the Bear and Superbear exercises (both compliments of the kickass Chaos and Pain blog).

The Bear Jew:
1. clean the weight up
2. push press from the front
3. overhead squat at the top of the first press
4. Back Squat thruster (back squat to push press from behind the neck)
5. overhead squat at the top of the second press
6. clean the weight down (to the front of the body for God's sake)

That's 1...
Going to try this as soon as friggin possible. I plan on starting at 95lbs and moving up from there.

C'mon Fuhrer, no one thinks the Bear Jew is a Golem

My Dream Gym

I had a dream about what kind of gym I would own...

General
Name: Deathmetal and Deadlifting
Entrance: A giant mouth
Music: Deathmetal, der

Features

8 squat racks, 4 of them cages
- equipped with bands and chains
8 benches
- equipped with bands and chains
- boards available for board presses
Bosu Balls nailed to the walls with blood trailing out of the business end
Prowler lanes available 
Cardio equipment is sparse and has 2 options: normal and malicious
- normal operates however you set it
- malicious changes inclines and speeds at random, all treadmills have personalities that laugh at you and taunt you when it makes changes
All weights are bumper plates and will be dropped constantly

Classes

Mom teaches yoga and shaman journeys
Segment of gym is dedicated to crossfit
- large timer available for group exercises
- several pullup bars next to each other
- medicine balls available for wall ball

New Years Goals 2011

Misc

Memorize and be able to play 5 songs from FF7 piano songbook
Create a webcomic
Enter dragoncon film fest
Batman someone...either:
  a. Disappear while someone is talking to me or when they look down for a moment
  b. When someone says 'thank you,' say in a low gruff voice 'you don't have to thank me' and run away

Physical

Rock the Kratos costume
Overhead Press - 210
Bench - 300
Squat - 400
Deadlift - 500
Rack Pulls - 600
Chinup (BW) - 30
Chinup (1RM) - 120lbs
Dips (1RM) - 120lbs
1 MuscleUp


Current
Overhead Press - 150
Bench - 250
Squat - 305
Deadlift - 405
Rack Pull - 420
Chinup (BW) - 21
Chinup (1RM) - ???
Dip (1RM) - ???

Training Schedule 12/22/2010

Upper Body 1
Clean and Press (5/3/1)
Clean, Push Press Triples
Weighted Chinup Reverse Pyramid (set1 75+BW, set2 60+BW, set3 50+BW)
DB Bench
DB Row


Lower Body 1
Deadlift (5/3/1)
Deadlift Heavy Singles
Glute/Ham Raise
Front Squat 60% 5x10


Upper Body 2
Bench Press (5/3/1)
Bench Press Heavy Singles
Chinup Complex (goes from 0 to suck)
- sternum
- wide pullups
- normal pullups
- normal chinups
- narrow chinups
Dips
Powerclean (5/3/1)


Lower Body 2
Squat (5/3/1)
Squat Heavy Singles
Rack Pulls (5/3/1)
Bear Jew


Cardio/Complex Options
Treadmill 1
- 15deg incline
- 3.5mph
- decrease the incline by 1deg each minute
- Level Up speed 0.1 mph each workout

Treadmill2
- 5deg incline
- 5mph
- increase speed and incline by 1 every 2min
- end after 8deg/8mph round
- 30sec rest in between rounds

Complex1: Leg Hell
- 20 squats
- 20 jump squats
- 20 isometric squat holds
- 3 rounds for time
- decrease rest times or add weight upon Level Up

Complex 2: Idunno
- 3 rounds of 8 reps for each exercise
- Hammer Curls, Push Press, Bent Row, Clapping Pushup
- Add 5lbs to Hammer Curls, 10lbs to Push Press/Bent Row upon Level Up

Superman

I dressed up like Superman for my kickball game yesterday. Afterwards, I helped a teammate move to her new place in Alpharetta. There were 3 children playing inside the house when they see Superman carrying a TV into their home, to which I received a chorus of SUPERMAN!!!!!

The youngest approached me and asked: How do I become big and strong like you Superman? My first idea was to tell him something generic and lame like eat your veggies, or study hard.

No. Fuck that. I looked him in the eye and said what needed to be said.

Squats.

True story. Get stronger.

A Moogle's Approach to Overeating/Overtraining

While blistering through the terrain of Final Fantasy 7, you will eventually find yourself in the Gold Saucer desert casino.  The easiest casino game (Mog's House) is very straightforward...feed the moogle enough kupo nuts to energize, fly, and friendrape impress his dream girl.

*Moogles*
In case you have avoided final fantasy your entire life. Moogles are...
- small supremacist rats in the world of Final Fantasy
- cute as kittens, common as roaches, used as the non-speaking working class of the Final Fantasy world
- the creamy Ewoks

5lbs of minty douche

Mog will beckon for more Kupo Nuts until he has had enough, at which point he will jump up and down waving his arms in defiance of your food. If you feed him past this point (and the fucktard will eat anything you give him), he will be unable to fly and impress impregnate his moogle bitch. The only way you can lose this game is by ignoring the obvious signs the moogle sends out (or, if like me, you just want to see him fall on his face; forever bringing shame to his clan and commits hari kari outside his moogle bitch's tree home).

The takeaway? The moogle listens to his body, and responds accordingly to a natural stimulus.


Overeating
Take notice when you overeat. Your body sends out the stimulus that your body is getting full, but you continue to shovel food into your noise hole. What happened? It's not like you made a conscious decision to overeat, you simply decided to be numb to your stimulus. Like most fitness advice, this is hardly a groundbreaking discovery. If compulsive eating is truly a problem for you, surround yourself with low calorie, low carb food that will not necessarily cause your pant buttons to bullet off into a coworker's skull.

Do not even buy food for your home that is your classic binge food. Even if you avoid it 90% of the time, humans (especially Americans) have an emotional connection to food. I can guarantee from personal experience that when shit goes wrong in your life, you will call your old friend ice cream coated Doritos to talk about it.

Your diet is ALWAYS within your control. Failure to take care of yourself is not an option. Don't lose your moogle game, stop eating the kupo nuts when the obvious signs come.


Overtraining
You are not overtrained, stop being a bitch. In stages of constant training, deload your training for a week every 4-5 weeks. If it hurts, stop. If it's sore, sew up your budding vaginas and train until you adapt.


Get some moogle poon. Get stronger.

Kratos Costume pt2

Costume Developments
I've had some trouble deciding how my Kratos costume should be constructed. I will be far from the first person to try, and not the first person to try with a decent physique. I've noticed 2 things that have remained fairly constant with people who show up in Kratos garb.

1. There are several costumes available in each game. Only the default costume has been used for cosplay.
2. Everyone uses his default weapons (the blades of chaos). The sole exception I've seen was a Kratos holding a medusa head along with his blades (a magic ability from the first 2 games). 

In response, I will use Kratos' FEAR costume.

Can, you count, my teeth? Ehhheehhh.

It will make life easier when it comes to painting my body (don't have to worry about shading along muscles) and coloring the costume itself.

Also, I am looking at different weapons to construct that won't be taken away from me when I enter the building. Still not sure what to do yet...

Nemean Cestus. Best weapon evar.

Barbarian Hammer. What God would use to smite used hookers.

Blade of Artemus. Quickly giving Kratos cancer.

Blade of Olympus. Given to Kratos for some reason...

Claws of Hades. Pointy purple rave sticks.

Nemesis Whip. Rar.

Current Standings 1RM

12/13/2010

Squat – 305

Deadlift – 405

Sumo Deadlift – 445

Bench Press – 250 LvlUp

Powerclean - 210

Chinup – BW+75lbs x 5 LvlUp 

Kratos doesn't approve of your blog. Get stronger.

Fear and Loathing on the Oregon Trail

Life is a lot like traveling on the Oregon Trail.

No matter what profession or walk of life you belong to, you will eventually find yourself overwhelmed and seemingly powerless. You were not built to run at 100% all the time, and when you overload yourself with life and worries, something is going to give. It's when you are at your lowest that you allow the small stuff to affect and control your life, and you lose sight of your goals.

No matter what happens to your wagon, it's important to get back on. Momentary setbacks do not dictate your progress in the long run. Take care of yourself and move forward as a person, the rest will follow.

Sometimes it's best to slow things down to a walk when you are dead set on a grueling pace. Sometimes breaking an axle just means you have more time to hunt.

Seriously, stop fording the river

Fear and loathing on the Oregon Trail is part of life. Get back on the wagon, and get stronger.

Kratos Indie Short Film

Just thought this was awesome.

A different take on the character I will embody, the God of War.

Kratos. Scowl comes standard.

Spot Me Brah

Lending someone a spot on their bench press is an easy responsibility. You have one job: stop the bar from killing the lifter if shit happens.


Your job:
- Stay alert, and stay close to the bar
- If the bar involuntarily cascades down, provide assistance in pulling it back up


Your job is NOT:
- to yell things (encouraging or otherwise)
Calling someone a pussy or screaming 'all you brah' accomplish the same thing, wrecking any concentration the person lifting the bar has left.

- to help immediately when the person starts to struggle
People have sticking or weak points during the bench press. How the fuck is someone supposed to get stronger when you constantly help them? Provide help when help is needed, nothing more.

- to stand directly over their face
A dude with short shorts and more hair than an unshaved Ron Jeremy stood over my face while spotting me. It's kind of hard to lift something heavy when a scented cocktail of Doritos and balls wafts to your nose.


Examples of fail in action
1. I saw a kid texting while his friend was bench pressing. Fail.

2. A kid was benching while his friend zoned out. When the bar fell onto his chest, the kid sputtered and choked . There were no clips on the bar, so the kid survived simply because all of the plates slid off both sides (one side at a time). His friend stood there the entire time. I laughed and laughed and laughed.

3. I got stuck halfway through a bench press when my leg drive failed to help me (cramped the shit out of my hamstring). My spotter immediately grabbed the bar and hoisted it up to the safety bars, smiled, and walked away. I was too tired to hit him...

Fuck you happy. Get stronger.

Fuck Your Legs Day



Zangief before squats. Wrestles donuts.

Zangief after squats. Wrestles buildings.



VS

If you want to gain lean muscle mass, you need to squat. Period. Most lifters allocate all of their leg work into a single day so it can be glanced over in favor of more curls. Fuck your legs day, it's time to squat.


The Problem
Legs day is greatly feared in the casual lifter's routine. You will typically see this expressed in two ways: Using pussy exercises that create a muscle pump, or performing squats for millions reps like there's a prize involved for a high score. In my case, squatting once a week wasn't really cutting it (advised by 5/3/1, although hamstrings were worked via Deadlifts on a different day), so I started experimenting with the frequency of squats included in my program.


Try Uh
At first I went a bit overboard on my lower body work by including some sort of squat on every day.

   Heavy Front Squats - 75%-95% 1RM

   Light Front Squats - 60% 1RM

      Upper Day 1 - Heavy Front Squats

      Lower Day 1 - Deadlifts, Light Front Squats

      Upper Day 2 - Heavy Front Squats

      Lower Day 2 - Heavy Back Squats, Light Front Squats

This worked on the lower levels of 5/3/1 (see my old post for details on 5/3/1), but quickly became a hindrance when the weight jumped up. The original thought was to stimulate my lower body (emphasis on quadriceps) everyday while providing active recovery through relatively light front squats. What ended up happening is that my heavy days were hindered by never getting enough rest (especially in between Upper Day 2 and Lower Day 2).


Try Duh
   Upper Day 1 - Powercleans
   Lower Day 1 - Deadlifts, Heavy Front Squats
   Upper Day 2 - Powercleans
   Lower Day 2 - Heavy Back Squats

My second attempt actually worked quite well until I completed a DB Bench like a retard and strained my shoulder. Front Squats were right out of the question after that. Placing Powercleans on my upper days was a fortunate move, as I am able to complete them without too many repercussions (Deadlift day has strangely never been affected).


Try Tree
This is my current workout configuration. Considering my Back Squat is far behind where it should currently be, I've decided to work up my 3RM for as many sets as possible. The main alteration this will cause in my week is that I now include another day of rest in between Lower Day 1 and Upper Day 2 (ex: U1, L1, rest, rest, U2, L2, rest) due to the increased stress from Deadlifting and Squatting in the same day.

   Upper Day 1 - Powercleans
   Lower Day 1 - Deadlifts, Heavy Back Squat Triples
   Upper Day 2 - Powercleans
   Lower Day 2 - Heavy Back Squats

The squat triples workout looks like this in action:
   Deadlift
      1. 250x5
      2. 290x5
      3. 330x5+
      4. 395x1, 395x1, 395x1 Level Up to 400
   TBar Row
      1. 145x10
      2. 145x10
      3. 145x10
   Squat Triples
      1. 250x3
      2. 250x3
      3. 250x3
      4. 250x3
      5. 250x3 Level Up to 260


Get out there and squat. Get stronger. Repeat.