Monday, April 25, 2011

Not a Gym

Dear DoubleTree hotels,

I certainly admire the fact that you have gone great lengths to supply your weary traveling customers with the most high tech up-to-date gym equipment. It is pretty, and sparkles like Edward in the refracted sunlight from your Olympic sized pool. I can understand your enthusiasm when telling me that most people are actually quite impressed with your facilities, I just have a few qualms I need to air, then maybe we can be friends.

1. That shit is not a gym, it's a fitness center.
A gym is a place you go to get bigger and stronger. A fitness center provides the illusion of health, the time spent in one can be measured in a number of expended calories instead of skin lost to a bar.

2. That shit is not a gym, there are not chin or dip bars.
I could always do that gay Mens Health hotel workout involving door pullups and bed pushups, but then I'd be doing that gay Mens Health hotel workout. Conflict.

3. That shit is not a gym, there is no power rack or squat rack.
Given, if there were any, there would be Sam Douchehill curling in it 24/7.

4. That shit is not a gym, I can curl the heaviest dumbbell in your shiny rack.
50lbs is a warmup. Yes, I realize how meathead that sounds.

Again, I appreciate the effort, but that's not a gym. I hate you (die).


not a gym

Get stronger (just not in a hotel gym).