Friday, July 29, 2011

Ninja Turtle Rap: Sound Project

My friend Cyndi asked me to do the voices for her audio project. She says she would have liked to cut some more stuff out (especially the times where I'm just babbling on the microphone), but I still like it. My Shredder (through Doctor Claw) and Meatwad voices came out pretty well :).

Also...I forgot how awesome the Ninja Rap dance was.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

4 Exercises You Should Be Doing Already

Every so often, Jamie Lewis (i.e. writer of Chaos and Pain) does an installment about the exercises you should already have in your routine. I'd like to go ahead and discount back squats, deadlifts, and overhead presses from my own lists. For nothing else, I've already hammered in that these movements should be the base of any routine (I know bench press is excluded, get the fuck over it).

1. Weighted Dips
There is absolutely nothing wrong with using bodyweight exercises like the dip. The point I want to make by distinguishing weighted vs unweighted exercises is that it's always easier to transfer progress down than it is to transfer up. Another words, if I can increase my unweighted dip max from 20 to 25, I may see little to no increase in total strength. If I increase the amount of weight I can handle with 95lbs+BW for triples to 100lbs+BW for triples, you can bet your ass I have gotten bigger, stronger, and will likely be able to do more unweighted dips as well.

Current strategy...
Bodyweightx12 (warmup)
If I hit all reps, increase max by 2.5-5lbs

2. Weighted Chins
See the argument for weighted dips. As another quick example, I went 5 months without training bodyweight chins. At the end of a long workout, I hit 19 chinups without trying. Do weighted chinups.

Current strategy...
Bodyweightx8 (warmup)

3. Glute Ham Raises
These are hard as shit, and will make you walk funny for days. I use them because I have trouble activating my hamstrings and glutes with squats and deadlifts. As an assistance exercise, there are no better bodyweight exercises.

If your gym does not have a glute ham machine (very very likely it does not), lock your legs down wherever you can and slowly descend towards the ground. Keep your back straight, and let your hamstrings/glutes resist the descent. To assist the return, it is likely you will need to push off the ground with your hands.

The goal is to hold weight in your hands, but it will be a long time before you will be able to do so.

4. High Pulls
Like a powerclean without the clean. Deadlift the weight up, then pull the barbell up as high as you can. The last motion will be a violent pull with your traps which should leave you sore for days. The benefit to this exercise is that you can pull far more than you can clean.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Morning Superset #1

The only thing I despise more than cardio is cardio in the morning. I've found a way around what I hate, while still getting some quality gym time in.

Morning Superset#1
a. Split Squats 5x10 (per leg)
b. Dumbbell (DB) Bench Press 10x10

Most hotels should be able to accomodate this routine. You will alternate between split squats and DB bench press every single time you stop moving. So...

1. Split squat left leg
2. DB Bench
3. Split squat right leg
4. DB Bench
...and so on
End result will be 5 sets per leg on split squats, 10 sets of DB Bench

Progress on split squats by adding reps and weight when you can. You will be using the bench press for sheer volume, so always use whatever weight you can handle (it will likely be the largest pair your hotel has to offer). DB Bench should be done with a tempo of 1030 (push up for one count, immediately start going back down, take 3 counts to return down, immediately push up the next rep).


Get stronger (in the morning, bleh).

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Kratos Costume pt4: Barbarian Hammer

Kratos Costume Updates
Nick and I spent Saturday putting together Kratos' barbarian hammer. Nick more or less taught me how to fish, and I think I'll be leading up the design/production from here on out (although, thank you good sir).

Since it's been a long time, this is the barbarian hammer.

4x2x2 Insulation foam (Home Depot lumbar section)
Three types of sandpaper (smooth, rough, and scorned vagina grades)
Paint (not sure which type)
Gorilla Glue
Bamboo Skewers

1. Stained my wooden dowel blood red. Next steps are to douse white bandages in a red/black wash and wrap the dowel
2. Gorilla glue all equal sized circles together (3 circles each). Cut and sand groups of 3 circles until they are the same size, smoothing groups before I continue
3. Hammer bamboo skewers (~4 per group) through circle groups for more stability
4. Gorilla glue groups of circles and cube together
5. Cut spikes out of insulation foam scrap (~16, not really sure)
6. Gorilla glue spikes to the front of the largest circle group, and around the circumference of the 3rd large circle
7. Cover entire hammer in gesso. This step will seal cracks and allow me to paint on top of the foam
8. Paint the hammer
9. Dry paint the hammer (give it a worn look)
10. Glue and clamp the wooden dowel inside the foam cube
11. (Questionable) Add counter weights to the back of the hammer if necessary

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Noot d Noot: There and Back Again Review of a Funk Revolution

Noot d Noot
I was a musical late bloomer. While all of my friends circled around Offspring and Smash Mouth (ok, a little exaggeration on that second one), my musical exposure was limited to my dad's violin practice and my mom's Enya tapes*. It took some good friends and a lot of weed, but I found the world of funk. It changed my life forever.

Years passed, beards grew, and although I have loved many styles of music, my love for funk has never burned brighter. I thought I liked funk because of the grooves, the fusion of jazz and soul given life on stage, and the afro'd babes. I thought I liked funk, and then I found Noot d Noot.

Noot d Noot respects its funk roots while bringing something new to the table. Every performance, groovy meets electro, and it is a site to behold. Last night in East Atlanta's own Earl venue, I swooned when Noot's African Queen sang Jack, I nearly twisted my ankle dancing to Take It Off, and I will have Balm Yard stuck in my head for days. It's crazy, it's funky, and it won't leave you wanting. If you live in Atlanta, you need some Noot in your life.

Noot d Noot is local to Atlanta, and post all of their shows on their facebook page.

*Try listening to Enya every morning for 7 years straight. I fucking dare you.

Saturday, July 9, 2011


Try new things. Whether it's training, food, entertainment, or love, new experiences will make your day. For example, I tried a delicacy called balut in the Philippines.

Balut (noun) - a half formed duck fetus submerged in a hardboiled egg. Typically served with a drop of hot sauce, a sprinkle of pepper, and a mother duck's love.

Can you use it in a sentence?

Balut. After eating balut, I wanted to cry mung and shit stem cells. Balut.
Was it disgusting, yes. Did I almost vomit blood, yes. Did I level up a bit on gross food, absolutely. I would hate to leave this life with experiences unfulfilled. Say yes, test everything (don't be retarded here).

Apeture Science thinks you need to stop playing Portal and go outside (kidding, there's no escape). Get stronger.