Thursday, March 31, 2011

Movies pt6: Pandas (Killer Red)

This film was heavily influenced (ok, stolen) from a Dexter's Lab short. The basic idea was to illustrate what Dexter's dad does when his wife and kids leave the house for 5minutes. This of course means dancing close to nudity to whatever you feel like.

This movie was my first introduction to animation in Final Cut, and it turned out ok...The introduction sequence took nearly a week out of my life to get right. The audio was such shit during most of the film that I spent almost 2 days making foley noises around the house (with my 14ft PVC boom I might add, never again) just to fill the audio tracks. The dancing and Billy Blanks was made up on the spot, just some silly shit.

The title means nothing at all (and is also written incorrectly so many times in the same film, that I have nodesire to agree on the real one), and my little sister is completely fucking adorable. Although I'm fairly sure she only agreed to do the movie since it meant her stealing and eating cookies, she played her part well. Scott (the Panda and Officer Friendly) was a fun edition to have on board. I don't remember exactly why I found it necessary to cut off a piece of his arm in the Billy Blanks scene, but I'm sure it was mighty important.

I'm also very aware that I refer to myself as a girl in the credits. I'm not re-editing it.

Pandas (Killer Red)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Pirate and Ninja Porno

She's soft, thought Eric the Vicious, as he thrusts his leg stump in her ass. She is everything a violent marauder could ask for: disciplined, willing, and trained in the ancient and deadly ninjutsu art of skull fucking. As Coco slides her kunai knives one by one into Eric's pulsating socket, she senses he is close to orgasm. Kneeling before his plank, Coco summons clones to work Eric's wooden balls as she manages the shaft. Eric's body goes stiff, all 4 toes curling in ecstasy as he unleashes his dusty fury. Eric feels the gulp that swallows every sailor into a void. He looks down at his beloved, but she has already vanished. The stiff feeling he had mistaken for ecstasy turns to a wash of cold and pain. His head, thinly sliced by wire at the neckline, gracefully drops and sticks to the already blood drenched floor. All in all, a good night.

Very slow and awkward fade out.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

More Food?

Found this on my kitchen counter this morning...

As gross as it looks
Upon further inspection, it is made of Cheerios, Nutella, and filled with tonic water. There are also 2 spoons, and I really don't know why.

One argument could say that this is a new found birth in culinary creativity. The other argument, however is screaming that I really need to get my shit together...

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Movies pt5: The Man with No Pants

This is not a real film, but more of a test of a my new fig rig. A fig rig is a cheap stabilization device I've been using in place of hand held shots, and it has worked fairly well to remove my body's motion from moving shots.

Build this while at Home Depot. People will stare. 
My friend Scott was nice enough to dance down the street to a tune I stole from Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. Granted, this was not a real film, I still wish I had him do more complicated dancing, and hid that he was actually wearing pants from the viewer.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

How to get hurt

Do you hate your face? Good news everyone!

Do your cats make too, much, noise? Good news!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

My Mouth is Now Basic

I had a small accident on Sunday...

After I'm finished making something in a frying pan, habit dictates that I will immediately wash the pan before eating. As I was in a hurry to leave my apartment on this sunny afternoon, I threw dish soap on the still burning surface of the pan. To remedy this problem, I applied a wet sponge to the pan in order to remove the soap (somehow, turning the sink on did not seem like a viable option). My thumb slips off the sponge and lands on the steaming pan, burning the living shit out of my skin.

My brain had a short conversation with Instinct, and they both decided the best course of action was to shove the fiery thumb inside my mouth to quell this horrible burn. Unfortunately, my thumb had picked up the majority of the boiling dish soap in the pan, so I got a mouth full of burning skin and bubbles.

I'm...dumb as hell. Get smarter.