Dragoncon 2014 Photo Album

Had to walk around post DCon with my last costume's haircut

Where's Wal-omfgrunrunrunrun

This guy is a dick in Punch Out

Oh hi Mark

Ace!

El Fuerte and Chun Li

Best accidental picture ever

This Canti was a dancing fool

This guy was breaking it down without breaking character. Ever see a toy dance?

Shoryuken

Instant prison murder

Vega and Dhalsim

Fat Chance

Most excellent Henchman 21

Perfect Rocky 4

Nick, Shea, and myself. 3, 2, 1, let's jam.

Shea and Nick as Kitinka and Mugatu

Terrifying Obama. He was break dancing while holding an AK47

Ryan being scary as hell

I'm Mr. Meeseeks look at me!

He said he didn't want to take a picture until he had powered up.

Comedian meets Mr. Smiley

They both were giggling while taking this shot. It was awful.

Nightmare

Dante from DMC

Not my picture, but a shot of the Dickbutt at a rave

Mr. Smiley versus Slenderman

Took 2hrs and a lot of vodka

Prey has been marked

Camera 1

Camera 2

Camera 3

Camera 4

Yatzee

Dark Link

What're ya gay or somethin? You know what I'm talkin about Fry Man!

It looks like Nick is farting his coat back

Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah

Squall FF8

El Fuerte and Balrog

Mr. 2

Jeebus

Dude was walking around during the wrestling match

AwesomeAkuma

Shea, Kit, and Andrea getting ready to go out

The most beautiful Batman

Me as Derek Zoolander

The group prior to drinking and costumes

George Martin, you gonna die

I thought of something the other day.

It is socially unacceptable to tell the elderly they are near death, unless their name is George Martin. If their name is George Martin, it is your civic duty to tell him every day how close he is to death. Bitch, you have 2-3 books left to write. Hurry up. Hurry up and make them good. You gonna die. Like any day now. When are we gonna see a dragon battle? Where the fuck are the white walkers? Is Sam gonna get laid again? Can he not? Is Jon Snow really Jon Targaryen?  We've gotta know. And we wont, cause you're gonna die. Fuck you George Martin,  I'll spit on your grave.

I didn't mean any of it. I love you with mouth. But you gonna die.

Edit 7/9/14
http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/george-rr-martin-will-he-finish/

You're Hurt, So Fucking What

Before I left town for work this weekend, I got a massage from an ex powerlifter. I told her that my lower back is extremely tight from where I previously herniated a disc, my neck feels like it is about to fall apart, and a tendon in my left elbow screams at me every time I jerk off. As she worked on my tiny pre-injuries, I asked her how truly strong people avoid getting hurt and train in a constant upwards cycle. The answer was simple: they don't. Every time she went to a powerlifting meet, talks about torn muscles and aching joints went hand in hand with large totals and muscle milk (its the milk muscles crave).

She's right. Some of the time I am completely pain free, but most of the time I'm working around pain. I've learned that getting stronger is about what you can do and what you are willing to do. What I can do right now is squat, so the next two weeks will be nothing but fronts and backs while my upper body ungays itself. What I am not willing to do is continue to pull from the ground, or do anything with my elbow besides light arm work. I don't know if the best of the best are willing to do more, or follow the same path I'm choosing.

The next time you are hurt, think about a few things as opposed to blindly checking off numbers in your routine.

1. What can you do, and what are you willing to do?
Can you squat? Then squat. Can you bench? Kinda? Does it make the injury worse? Then don't bench asshole. Are you willing to make the injury worse in order to progress? Godspeed son.

2. What are you doing to make the pain go away?
Are you taking massive amounts of anti-inflammatories (fish oil and advil of my)? Are you foam rolling, stretching, applying any kind of active release? Are you doing light exercise with the hurt joint for high repetitions to force blood into the area? Listen to what works and calibrate from there.

There is always a way to get stronger, it may just involve stepping away from the comfort zone of your notebook.

Work around injuries, Get stronger.

Edit 4/22/14
I've been experimenting with a couple of supplements that have been very useful in aiding my recovery. I would suggest checking them out. I would be remiss if I did not state that supplementation is not a replacement for soft tissue work or rest, but it may give you a nice boost towards recovery.

Biofreeze
From what I've experienced, this product feels extremely similar to Icyhot. Amazon and Walmart both hold a fairly cheap roll-on applicant that lasts for months. I use this on my joints pre or post workout as needed.

DMSO

I heard about this supplement from the best source in the world, some dude in the gym. Some dude in the gym told me that he typically applies DMSO on his joints on a daily basis after bathing when experiencing pain (dude bro emphasized the importance of having a clean surface area prior to application of DMSO). Some dude in the gym advised to avoid coming into direct contact with DMSO on my fingers, and wash my hands vigorously after use (using a q-tip to apply on your skin).

Gym dude, I thank you for your kind advice. If you use DMSO, expect mild skin irritation for 30-300 in after use on the applied area. This shit is not magic, but it certainly helped my elbows stop screaming over a 2 week period.

Annnnnd boom wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimethyl_sulfoxide
Also boom http://healyourselfathome.com/HOW/THERAPIES/DMSO-MSM/DMSO_MAIN.aspx

Baby Got Trap

Not relevant to the article. Just one of the top rated google image results to 'baby got trap'

I'm hardly alone on this, but upper traps are my favorite God damned muscle. They are fun to train, they look amazing (on men and women*)-

*A few weeks before I left Atlanta, I saw a metal show with a female guitar/vocal lead. She had curly hair, long dark legs, JEW nose, and strong sloped upper traps. I think I fell slightly in love. My friend asked me what I was staring at. 'Dem...dem traps man.' We don't talk anymore.

- they have real world functionality, and (this is especially nice if you are coming off of an injury) they grow like weeds with the right stimulus. BRIDGE TIME.

The Right Stimulus
If there is a body part, there is an unnatural amount of internet bitching over what works over what definitively doesn't.

@Fam1LYGyeLvar82: Hey brahs and bros, just lettin you know that high rep DB Shrugs are the only thing that traps respond to. Anything else is an exercise in loser faggitronics. Fact.

@GreeSeChamp!: My brother's friend is huge (benches in the low 800's) and he says behind the neck carlson shrugs are the only thing that worked for him. Fag kill yourself.

Thrilling? Hardly (even if this type of conversation blazed the path to such gems as Dreamer Bulk). Let's move along into our next section.

Movements I Have Used That Work
Clean Variations: Hang Cleans/Cleans/Powercleans/High Pulls
Pros:
- Incredibly easy to learn and execute without a coach. Experience and frequency will be your guide
- Hit the entire body (side delts on high pulls, bonus)
- Allow you to work an explosive pull variation without excessive fatigue

Cons:
- Very easy to cheat at higher weights. Part of my disc injury a few years back was from pulling heavy with shitty form. Retarded.

Loading Parameters:
- I generally keep these variations to 1-5 reps. Anything over this starts to look like Gary Busey. Ugly. They look ugly.

Barbell Shrugs
Pros:
- Whether done from a sumo or conventional stance, these are pretty hard to fuck up.
- Combines a rack pull with a shrug. Easy extra pulling volume.
- Weightlifter, powerlifter, want to look awesome in sweaters? Shrugs. Shrugs 4 life.

Cons:
- If you do the power version of these (using momentum, which I highly recommend), do not overextend your hips or knees or you may open yourself up for injury.

Loading Parameters:
- High or low reps work fine here. I've had great results with a few sets of 'as many as possible' as well as many sets of 3's and 5's. Pick one or mix it up.
- I currently prefer low sets/high reps because it allows me to combine shrugs with another heavy pull (i.e. High Pulls followed by Shrugs). Low reps/high sets with a higher weight usually ends up becoming it's own day.

Deadlifts: Sumo and Conventional
Pros:
- Work your traps isometrically
- Stronger traps will also equal a stronger pull
- Case in point: powerlifters/weightlifters/strongmen all have giant traps. They deadlift, so should you.

Partial Deadlifts: Sumo and Conventional Rack Pulls/Static Holds
Pros:
- Work the same muscles as a deadlift at a supramaximal load
- Wonderful movement for 'feeling' stronger. You will feel like you are carved out of stone the day after partial pulls

Cons:
- By no means mimics an actual deadlift movement patter. Unless you pull below the knee, this will likely not carry to your pull from the floor
- Take care of the callouses on your hands or expect to have them ripped off

Loading Parameters:
- Same as shrugs (low reps/high sets or high reps/low sets).
- If pulling from the knee or above, this allows you to strengthen your entire mid/upper back by pulling with weights at or above your max deadlift

Pressing Overhead: Behind the Neck Push Press/Overhead Press
Pros:
- Easy to perform with high frequency
- Work the entire body via leg drive, abdominal stabilization, creating a lat shelf, and the pressing power from the traps/shoulders/triceps

Cons:
- I've injured my neck 5 times pressing overhead. Awesome movement, I suck balls at it.
- Injury potential from pressing behind the neck (although personally I've had nothing but great experiences with pressing behind the neck)

Loading Parameters:
- I prefer lower reps (<=5/set) with pressing overhead. This goes double for behind the neck push press.
- For behind the neck push press only: Get the bar overhead as fast as possible, lower under control using your triceps/traps/shoulders. If you are not used to lowering the bar slowly, you will find that you will need to initially lower the weight before it feels natural. A slower eccentric will assist in building muscle and greatly reduce the potential for injury (the bar's destination is easier to set, higher weights will not feel like they are crushing you on the descent).

Movements I Have Not Used (but the weightlifting population loves)
Snatch Grip Pulls: Snatch Deadlift/Hang Snatch/Snatch/Power Snatch/Snatch High Pull/Rack Snatch
I have 0 experience with Snatch pulls beyond the occasional snatch grip deadlift or power snatch. It's a shame really. Decades ago, weightlifters used to compete (and win) in Mr. Olympia contests. The back development of a weightlifter can be highly correlated to the amount of pulls they do, but specifically their snatch (or wider grip) variations.

I'm just gonna leave these sources here...
Ben Bruno: Rack Snatch Pull
TNation: Snatch High Pull
Bill Starr: Widen Your Wingspan

Anything Strongman: 
Stone loading, yoke walks, farmers walks. Doesn't matter, good for traps.

Dumbbell Shrugs (seated or standing):
I can't give less than 2 shits about DB Shrugs. They have done nothing for me, but there are a metric shit-ton of strong people who have mile high traps in part from DB Shrugs (when treated entirely as an assistance movement).

Kirk Shrugs:
This is kind of like a mini hang clean grip high pull which pauses at the navel before releasing downwards. I have used these before, but not with any type of weight that has induced a strength/size gain.

Loading Parameters (Not Upper Trap Specific)
There is never any solidified set x rep structure that will guarantee results. Part of this is because we are all bio mechanically snowflakes, and variety is a spice everyone should try (lookin at you Texas). That is the God damned answer. The bulk of your work may be done as singles, doubles, triples,  5's, 20's, whatever, but at least some facet of your training should include a different rep range for the same muscle group.

This does NOT, however, mean that you have to do the same movement pattern to train the same muscle. I.E. Just because low rep deadlifts are the centerpiece of my training session does not mean I have to do 10rep backoff sets in order to train the same muscles at a higher rep range (I'm not shitting on backoff sets here, just indicating they are not the only option available). This is specifically what accessory work exists for. Accessory lifts build the main lift either by strengthening and/or inducing hypertrophy to the same working muscles as your main movement.

The point!
When choosing an exercise and corresponding loading parameter, look at how far you can potentially progress with a given weight x reps. For example, DB Shrugs would be a poor exercise choice for low reps because it is easy to max out the weight you can use (even if you intensify the movement through static holds, isometric contractions, and slow eccentrics).

That's it fuckers. I'm gonna inject some frog tech and play Settlers of Catan over a glass of gin.
Get stronger.

Grruu Sauc: J-Park Gif

I feel like I'm about to crack today. Deadlifts await me if I can get through the miles of bullshit in my wake. All the while, this gif is making me laugh like a mo-fo.

Gif files are always kind struck me funny...

Me: Hey guy, you want to watch a short film I made? It took me 2 months, hundreds of dollars, and sweat you will never see or want to see!

Guy: Eh, no thanks.

Me: Ok, well hows about a 5 second silent film on repeat?

Guy: Fuck yeah!

The future is weird...

http://s3.amazonaws.com/br-cdn/temp_images/2013/11/10/820786803.gif

Video Game Bodyweight Training

Why the fuck is Wolverine doing cardio?

Last night I revitalized one of my favorite training methods for the methodically lazy asshole. While playing video games (non-online), create a trigger that periodically forces you to do one set of a bodyweight movement.

Exercises to Use
My most commonly used exercise is the clapping pushup. This way, I can keep my reps relatively low (I range from 10-25 reps per set depending on how I feel), but also not feel like I am drained from a large amount of volume for future weight training workouts.

Feel free to experiment with whatever bodyweight exercise you like. Examples are...
- Squats (this may not work because of how many reps you can burn out)
- Jumping Squats
- Pistols
- Pushups (and all variations)
- Pullups (and all variations)

How to Implement
First off, stand up while you play video games. If you sit down or lie down, you are more likely to stay that way. Again, any time a certain trigger occurs, do an exercise for as many reps as you can.

Trigger Examples
- With any RPG, when any character in your party gains a level. In Kingdom hearts, this trigger was pulled every 7-10 minutes.
- In short action games, when you finish a level. In Contra 3, this trigger was pulled every 7-10 minutes.
- In sports games, when a quarter ends
Blah blah blah

Create a trigger so the intervals are spaced apart by a few minutes. This methodology is NOT a training session. It is a way to get in light extra work without cutting into your recovery time.

Get stronger

Charlie the Choo Choo

Comic credit goes to magicalgametime.com

The following is blatantly ripped off from Stephen King's "The Waste Lands." After reading a few paragraphs of the original story, I fell asleep and dreamt of my own version. Thanks Brain.

Charlie the Choo Choo
Bob Brooks was an engineer for The Mid-World Railway Company, on the St. Louis to Topeka run. Engineer Bob was the best trainman The Mid-World Railway Company ever had, and Charlie was the best train!

Charlie was a 402 Big Boy Steam Locomotive, and Engineer Bob was the only man who had ever been allowed to sit in his peak-seat and pull the whistle.Everyone knew the WHOOO-HOOOOO of Charlie's whistle, and whenever they heard it echoing across the flat Kansas countryside, they said, "There goes Charlie and Engineer Bob, the fastest team between St. Louis and Topeka!"

Boys and girls ran into their yards to watch Charlie and Engineer Bob go by. Engineer Bob would smile and wave.The children would smile and wave back.

Engineer Bob had a special secret. He was the only one who knew. Charlie the Choo Choo was really, really alive. One day while they were making the run between Topeka and St. Louis, Engineer Bob heard singing, very soft and low.

"Who is in the cab with me?" Engineer Bob said sternly.
"Don't worry," said a small gruff voice. "It is only I."
"Who's I," Engineer Bob asked. He spoke in his biggest, sternest voice, because he still thought someone was playing a joke on him.
"Charlie," said the small, gruff voice.
"Hardy har-har!" said Engineer Bob. "Trains can't talk! I may not know much, but I know that! If you're Charlie, I suppose you can blow your own whistle!"
"Of course," said the small, gruff voice, and just then the whistle made its big noise, rolling out across the Missouri plains: WHOOO-HOOOOOO!
"Goodness!" said Engineer Bob. "It really is you!"
"I told you," said Charlie the Choo Choo.
"How come I never knew you were alive before?" asked Engineer Bob. "Why didn't you ever talk to me before?"
"I'm going to murder you Bob," growled Charlie in a low, gruff voice. "When they find your shriveled body, they will lose sleep wondering how long you stayed awake before the steam and ash melted in your throat."
A small WHOO HOOO laced with malice rung through the conductor's car. Steam and exhaust battled their way into each and ever car where Charlie felt feet stomp a romping round his floors. Before the crescendo of screams started to die, Charlie derailed his bodies from the bridge tracks above to plummet into the ravine below.
There was a terrible silence
Then a terrible crash
Then nothing but the low, gruff voice of a broken machine.

Don't ask me silly questions,
I won't play silly games.
I'm just a simple choo-choo train
And I'll always be the same.