Post Peelander-Z Can't Sleep Haiku

Megaman has AIDS
It's really not that funny
Got it from AIDS Man

A New Challenger has Entered the Ring

You're my favorite Deputy

Woody from Toy Story is the newest fighter in Street Fighter 4

He can fall with style, say 14 unique phrases, and is not afraid of anything

For his ultra combo, he eats you alive

I've got a friend in me

A Year of Solitude

A year in limbo

MIND DUMP TIME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY 'MERICA

One year ago, I made the best decision of my life by removing myself from an abusive relationship. It took some time to come to terms with the decisions I had made. Ultimately, it is far easier to project your life status on someone else than it is to accept the fact that you have the power to make every choice in front of you.

There is no hole so deep that can prevent you from climbing out. You always hold the card of being able to walk away, and it is powerful. Being in a shitty relationship is infinitely more lonely than being alone. If you are suffering from a current or past relationship, accept the choices you have made, then make another to improve your situation. Hating someone for a wrong they have done to you is like letting them live rent free in your brain. And as cliche as it sounds, time heals all wounds (although sometimes not in the ways you may expect or have hoped for).

I've tried therapy. I've tried mind quests. I've tried sleeping around (logic here: if I can push out the old with the new, that would be greeeat. Fucking retard sauce). The only real method for healing I have found that works consistently is love. Loving your family. Loving friends and strangers. Loving yourself and what you are becoming.

Over the past year, I have collected quotes (below) from various sources that embody this theme. They have all helped me in one way or another.

Fear is the mind killer. Love is the answer. Get stronger.

 “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

—        Louise Erdrich

The greatest gift you can ever give yourself is the undying belief that you are worthy. Someone who doesn't value their own self worth cannot fully accept anything gifted to them, or anything earned.

If you do not believe you are worthy of someones love, you will never experience it. If you do not believe you are worthy of adoration, you will never receive it. If you do not believe you are worthy of being strong you will never know it.

Inhale and grok the belief that you are worthy of things both gifted and earned. Without this, you will never understand the value of who you are, what you are capable of, or appreciate the fruits of your labor.

Now go, and win the fucking day.

- Paul Carter

“The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you."

- Neil deGrasse Tyson

Live your motherfucking life. Get your hustle on. Understand people are gonna hate you regardless. Get that out of your head, that fantasy world where people ain't hating on you. You gotta be grateful. You need haters. What the fuck you complaining about? What the fuck do you think a haters job is? To fucking hate. So let them do their damn job. If there are any haters in here right now that don't have anybody to hate on, feel free to hate on me.

So I wanted to write this, because it came up in a conversation I had tonight and I thought it was really insightful about what happens in relationships a lot of times.

Generally you find someone you like, you do the things you need to do in order to woo them, romance them, tell them all the things you need to tell them to quell their fears, etc. You massage their needs.

As your feelings grow, and you fall in love with someone, many times people become fearful of losing that person. So their behavior changes. They become jealous or fight over petty shit, and then you wonder what happened along the way that caused all of that good shit to end.

It's really simple. Wooing someone, chasing someone, trying to "get" something that you want so badly has a very positive connotation with it. You want that, so your actions and desires are manipulated by a very positive energy.

Once you have "it" and develop deep feelings for it, the mortal side of us realizes we can lose it. And losing something has a very negative connotation with it. So we change how we act with that person, and the things we do with them. We check their cell phone messages or Facebook, we want them to stop hanging around certain friends, etc. Where before, those things didn't matter, because you wanted that person to be happy, so you did the things to make them happy. But once you become invested, you are driven by fear, not happiness. So the way you treat them is much much different. And eventually.....you lose them. And you wonder where you went wrong.

If you want a relationship to last, never stop wooing that person. Always remember that they need certain fears quelled at times, and to be made to feel like the king, or the queen. It's hard because we sometimes feel like our own selfish wants and needs to be fulfilled first, but if you actually make sure the others persons needs are, you'll find yours get fulfilled as well.

My lunesta is kicking in now so nothing after this would be good. Like sex with foxes on bicycles.

- Paul Carter 

"I'm too busy..." is code word that he/she is not interested in you. This is an easy let down as not to hurt your feelings.

People always ALWAYS make time for the people that are important to them, or that they have a romantic interest in. Don't hang on to people who don't deem you important enough in their life to make time for you.

Mainly, because it makes you look desperate. And desperation is a stinky cologne.

Let go, make choices, and appreciate.........

- Paul Carter

To a woman who said that Facebook pages like "Fap Nation" have a detrimental effect on a woman's self worth, I wrote........

"Self worth is defied by your SELF. In other words, this can only bother a woman if she chooses to let it bother her. No different than a man could say all those women that fawn over Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum decrease a mans self worth. You get to define your own self worth. If you let a fan page on Facebook destroy your self worth or self esteem then you have issues that need serious attention."

I write about this a lot. Love YOU like no one else can. Even if you aren't what you want to be physically or emotionally right now, love the shit out of yourself. It doesn't mean to rest on your laurels, and it is NOT an excuse to be lazy, procrastinate, not have goals, and not strive to fulfill your potential.

What it does mean is, LOVE the worker in you. Love the hunter in you. Love the warrior or queen in you. These things will never come to the surface if you keep them buried under self loathing, self pity, and despair. The person you want to see in the mirror isn't going to manifest itself if you don't learn how to love the things that will give birth to that.

Don't look at someone else, or something else and covet that. Admire it for what it is, appreciate it for what it is worth, and then come to an understanding that it has no bearing on you, who will love you, and how you need to love yourself in order to grow.

I hate when people say shit like that because there isn't anything in the world you should base your self worth on that you have no control over. If a woman has a great ass, don't hate. Appreciate. And then LOVE the things you need to do in order to have a great ass of your own. This applies to everything you want to accomplish in life.

Love it, and it will love you back.

I've written a lot about struggles. At times waxed poetically about relationships, life, love, hardships, and such.

I've endured plenty of my own. So have you. So have we all.

I've made promises that I've broken, and kept ones I never should have made.

I've drained my emotional well dry at times, trying to quench the thirst of people who couldn't drink enough.

I've abandoned my own code in order to please those who could not be pleased.

Eventually, you realize how badly you've lost your way, and looking in the mirror becomes a painful reminder of that.

"How did I get here?" can be the hardest question you may ever ask yourself.

There can only be one answer. Ever.

The choices I made.

The next choice is whether or not to let the tide take you under, or rise to the fucking occasion.......

Choose.

- Paul Carter

One of the most truthful and poignant quotes I've ever read, is "when you set out on a course of revenge, make sure to dig two graves".

Cut your losses with bad people and be done with it. Let them go. Living well is always the best revenge anyway. When you put someone in your sights to get back at, you will inevitably end up burning yourself just as badly in the process.

Some people are just going to suck, and do or say shitty things to you. Free yourself of them and live well. No shovel required.

- Paul Carter

When anything starts to become overwhelming, remember you are going to die

-Chris Jones

Training: Last month and this month

1. Last Month
Last month I dabbled in The Hepburn Method (one of the routines used by Doug Hepburn, Canadian strongman and weightlifter).

Don't hate. You should look so good in spandex.

Monday/Thursday
Squat 8x2
- 80% 1RM
- Rest 2min between sets
Rest 5min
Squat 3x6
- 60% 1RM
- Rest 2min between sets
Bench Press 8x2
- 80% 1RM
- Rest 2min between sets
Rest 5min
Bench Press 3x6
- 60% 1RM
- Rest 2min between sets

Tuesday/Friday
Deadlift 80% 1RM 8x2, rest 2min between sets
Rest 5min
Deadlift 60% 1RM 3x6, rest 2min between sets
Overhead Press 80% 1RM 8x2, rest 2min between sets
Rest 5min
Overhead Press 60% 1RM 3x6, rest 2min between sets

For the entire month, add no weight to the bar. Instead, you will add a single rep every workout to both the 80% and 60% sets.

Example:
Monday 1
Squat 2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2
Squat 6,6,6
Bench 2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2
Bench 6,6,6

Thursday 1
Squat 3,2,2,2,2,2,2,2
Squat 7,6,6
Bench 3,2,2,2,2,2,2,2
Bench 7,6,6

Monday 2
Squat 3,3,2,2,2,2,2,2
Squat 7,7,6
Bench 3,3,2,2,2,2,2,2
Bench 7,7,6

Thursday 2
Squat 3,3,3,2,2,2,2,2
Squat 7,7,7
Bench 3,3,3,2,2,2,2,2
Bench 7,7,7

Continue in this fashion every workout until your volume reaches 8x3 for the 80% sets and 3x8 for the 60% sets. After this workout, increase every lift by 5-10lbs and restart the cycle at 8x2 and 3x6.

i.e.
Squat 3,3,3,3,3,3,3,3
Squat 8,8,8
Bench 3,3,3,3,3,3,3,3
Bench 8,8,8

Results from last month:
Every workout was challenging without experiencing a single grinder. I found that the bar speed increased on all major lifts even as I increased the volume. While I feel that the weights I used for this month became my bitch, anything heavier still feels like a foreign challenge. Also, my ability to safely do reps on the squat after low rep work is abysmal (my knees sometimes hurt for days). I hurt my neck overhead pressing in week 3, but that is hardly the program's fault.

The largest benefit I see here is that the Hepburn method allows a lifter to make continual (although, mechanical) progress while minimizing the number of shitty workouts. While this may seem minor, I was able to complete each workout even on days where I was undernourished or had poor sleep. So, if slow and steady is your style, you may want to check this routine out (Google: Doug Hepburn method for other routines by the same name).


2. This Month
My main driver for change is based on both the logical and the superficial...

Ze logical: Injuring my neck sucked fucking ass. This is the 4th (count'em 4) time I have injured my neck overhead pressing. Every time it happens, I take a break from that particular lift, try to learn what I did wrong, then attempt again with a renewed sense of self. Then, BOOM, headshot. As much as I love crawling out of bed (makes me feel like a low HP Snake Plissken) and counting the hours before the nearest Urgent Care opens, I'm done with this crap. The incline bench press supposedly (I have 0 experience with this lift) has a large carryover to the overhead press, fast overhead lifts, and bench press. This month will hopefully tell whether there is any validity to that claim.

Ze Superficial: I love olympic lift variations, chinups, and dips. There is nothing wrong with Hepburn's lift choices, but I am not competing in anything in the near future. So, fuck it, I do what I want.

Monday
Chinup
- Work up to a max rep weighted set for the day
- When the number of reps/set for the max set drops below 5, reset at a new 10RM
Powerclean or High Pull
- Either one, it doesn't really matter
- Put 30 minutes on the clock. If you can complete 18 singles in this time period, up the weight by 10lbs.
- Backoff sets of 3x6

Wednesday
Dips 8x2
- Work up to a max rep weighted set for the day
- When the number of reps/set for the max set drops below 5, reset at a new 10RM
Back Squat
- Put 30 minutes on the clock. If you can complete 18 singles in this time period, up the weight by 10lbs.
- Backoff sets of 3x6
Dip Supports
- Strap as much weight around my waist as possible
- Hold at extension for 20s-60s

Friday
Sumo Deadlift/Power Shrugs
- Put 30 minutes on the clock. If you can complete 18 singles in this time period, up the weight by 10lbs.
- Backoff sets of 3x6.
Seated Rows 3x9-12

Sunday
Partial Squats
- 1/4 squats off of pins
- Each rep is held for a count of 2
- Work up to a max triple
- 85%-90% of the max triple 8x3, 1min rest between sets
Behind the Neck Push Press
- Put 30 minutes on the clock. If you can complete 18 singles in this time period, up the weight by 10lbs.
- Backoff sets of 3x6..

Quiche

Om? Nomnomnomnomnom.

Tried a new recipe. Takes about 40min to make with prep and cooking time.

Ingredients/Supplies:
1 bag spinach
8-16 eggs
0.5lb-1lb ground beef
Small-medium pie pan (I bought the basic size available from Publix)

Preparation:
1. Wash 1 bag of uncooked spinach
2. Beat eggs in a small bowl (this may be done during subsequent steps)
3. Preheat oven to 350deg
4. Brown 0.5lb-1lb of ground beef.
5. Scoop a few tablespoons of butter into a saucer. Lightly brown 3-4 scoops of minced garlic on medium heat. Add the bag of spinach. Cook down until it resembles Popeye's hard-on.
6. Add eggs, beef, spinach, and garlic into a pie pan. Carefully insert onto center rack in the oven.
7. Bake for 30-35min
8. Feast
9. Poop
10. Remember

This is the quiche at its most basic form. Feel free to add other meats, cheese, and vegetables.

Stupid stupid rat people love quiche. So should you.

Abdominals: Protecting your box

No additional ab work needed. Pinako be mir'in.

I see a lot of conflicting information thrown around the internet concerning ab work. The main two schools of thought are:


1. Indirect Training is all I need!
You do not need direct abdominal training. Squats and deadlifts will provide all of the training your abs need.

2. Sit-up or die faggatron
You need to train your abs directly. Without direct abdominal work, all of your training (see: large movements like squats and deadlifts) will fall to shit. Fire will line the skies. Blood will run through the street soaking the survivors of the inevitable nuclear Holocaust with iron and soot. They will be dragged. Down. Down. Down. Far below where there is precious air, they will meet death alone should they ignore their planks and situps on large bouncy balls etc etc.


So who is right? Well, both really. The idea of training your abdominal muscles is rooted in training your body to brace itself. Although not apparent with lighter weights (which allow you to get away with damn near anything), heavier poundages demand that you get tight or fail. At the risk of borrowing (see: stealing) deadlifting champion Andy Bolton's words...


Stolen Metaphor!
Imagine you have a box. Reinforce the box on all but one side, then have King Hippo jump on the box from a 5 story window. Your box will explode out the one end that is not reinforced. Also, King Hippo is dead.

Now take the same box, but reinforce it on all sides. Have King Hippo jump on the box from a 5 story window. Your box, safely reinforced, will buckle but not break. Also, King Hippo is dead.

Moral of the story: a strong set of abs will protect you from injury and allow you to lift more weight.

Fucked

But I digress. How you earn your ab strength is up to you. You can brace your abs on every compound movement (to train them indirectly, which you damn well should be doing) and/or work them directly with weighted situps/raises/planks/etc. Let's be honest here. Direct ab work is not sexy or fun, but it may pay dividends to your training goals to bite the bullet and make it a habit.


Everyone needs to train their abs indirectly. Consider direct ab work as another feather in your cap. Get stronger.

You're not supposed to do it that way...

I cannot stress this enough: keep a physical (non-online) training journal. The utility from keeping a physical journal does not just come from seeing your progress from week to week and month to month, but rather the tiny notes you can write about each movement. As you train, you need to discern what grips, stances, and cues work for YOU, and put them into action time and time again.

It is too often trainees (myself included on a grand scale) defer all of their lifting knowledge from the myriad of gurus and experts on the internet. Most of this information is targeted towards beginners (who need enough general information to prevent fucking up on a large scale), or is tailored to the particular lifter it worked for.

My advice to you is this:
Always be open and listen to others. Someone will always know something missing from your data banks. Be open to experimentation and calibration, but never forget what has worked for you.


Be a mensch, get stronger.

Tips and Tricks: Dumbbell Snatch/Eccentric Press

Thanks go out to Ben Bruno for this gem. I have already blogged on the merits of using the dumbbell snatch as a muscular recovery or maintenance movement. Ben has conveniently displayed how you can also use this movement for shoulder assistance.

The movement is completed in 2 parts.
1. Snatch the dumbbell to full extension
- Use your lats and traps to pull the dumbbell above your head
- Pull from the hang or power position
- Duck into a quarter vertical squat to catch the dumbbell

2. Lower the dumbbell slowly as like a reverse dumbbell press
- Keep the pressure on your shoulder and tricep during the descent
- Brace your abs and glutes

Ben suggests 4 sets of 5 (4x5). I heartily agree.

High Protein Pudding Power

I learned a new recipe this weekend that is both easy to create and more delicious than a combo breaker.

Ingredients: mix well in a bowl together
7oz plain Greek yogurt
2 scoops whey and/or casein protein
1/8 cup water
1/8 cup coconut milk

Beat like a red-headed stepchild until thick and homogeneous.

Basic, tastes amazing, and provides around 70g protein (depending on what brand yogurt and protein you use, this may vary).

Get stronger.

EDIT 8/15/13
In pure bodybuilding fashion...
Add quaker oats, cinnamon, and honey. Fucking delicious.

Chrisshea Mikottaaron

For the end of the world (12/21/12), some people decided to supply and bunker up. I decided to make a drinking game. We took (see: fucking stole) our direction from the Chardee MacDennis episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." We are still in progress of adding and altering rules, but here is what we have so far...

A Game of Games: Chrisshea Mikottaaron
Items you need to play (my version):
1. Peggle (PS3 downloadable)
2. NBA Jam (SNES or PS3, prefer SNES)
3. Mario Kart (SNES, N64, Gamecube, or Wii)
4. Smash Brothers (N64, Gamcube, or Wii)
5. Blindfold
6. Spoons (really anything light and plastic)
7. Duct Tape
8. Apples to Apples
9. Jenga

Music you need to play
Song: My Heart Will Go On
Any classical piece
Other than that, play your favorite mix in the background

Rules
Three Rounds of Gaming
1. Wine
2. Beer
3. Liquor

Every time you drink because of a loss in a round (or due to a rule), you must drink a beverage from your round. The first time a new round is breached, take a 1min cheese and classical break. Cheese and classical breaks emphasize civility and kindness. Make sure shit talking begins the moment these breaks end.

Each team of 2-4 people must win all 3 rounds in order to win.
In order to win a round, your team must:
- Win 3 rounds of Apples to Apples (collectively)
- Win a physical challenge
- If your team loses a physical challenge, you must win another 3 rounds of Apples to Apples in order to have another Physical Challenge attempt
- Winning a Physical Challenge as the opposing team simply prevents the challenging team from progressing
- The winning team breaks something that belongs to the losing team

Every time you personally win a round of Apples to Apples, draw a CHANCE card
Every time your team collectively wins 3 rounds of Apples to Apples, draw a PHYSICAL CHALLENGE card


CHANCE
1. I Am the Bat
You must escape sight from all players before the end of the game without being noticed
If you fail, your team automatically loses

2. Quote this Shit
If any movie quote is used in any context for the rest of the game, social

3. Shaman card
Also known as the Don Cheetle rule
For the rest of the round, you can only speak in mysticism. Your sentence does NOT have to make sense.
Drink if you laugh at someone's quote. Drink if you fail to follow this rule.
Other cards with similar rules override this card
Ex: Like a butterfly hiding his grubs, I will avenge you

4. Triforce Card
You have obtained the triforce, bend the world to your will
Make a rule that stands for the remainder of the game

5. Contra Card
To say anyhting for the rest of the round, you must pull a Contra pose (Google Contra 3 pose)

6. The Room Card
Everyone is armed with 5 plastic spoons (or 5 plastic objects)
If you hit someone with a thrown spoon, they drink
If you miss, drink 3
This is valid for the rest of the game or until you run out of spoons

7. Muff Cabbage
Pull out a large trash bag and wear it for the remainder of the game.


PHYSICAL CHALLENGE
1. Blind Charades
Player who draws the physical challenge card is blindfolded.
Teammate draws an Apples to Apples card. Teammate must describe the card to the blindfolded player using gibberish, grunts, or stomps (anything but language). Allowed to sing gibberish. You have 1min to complete the challenge.
Opposing team may make either player drink at any time (stops the clock).

2. Back Drawing
Each team sends a champion. Both champions look at the same Apples to Apples card.
Champions choose a teammate partner. Draw (with closed pen) the card on the teammate's back. First teammate who guesses the picture wins. You have 1.5min to complete the challenge.

3. Play Jenga
Distractions are allowed and encouraged.

4. Slaps
Each team sends forward a champion.
Play the hand slapping game, each person gets 3 chances to hit the other person. Must slap the opposite hand to score a point.

5. Gaming Challenge 1 - Peggle
Most Beaver appearances wins. If tied (or no beavers) highest score wins.

6. Gaming Challenge 2 - Blind NBA Jam
Blindfold the player. Teammate directs the player on where to go. Quarters are 2min long.

7. Gaming Challenge 3 - Mario Kart

8. Gaming Challenge 4 - Smash Brothers

9. Hair Demon
Apply duct tape to the hairiest person playing (champion's choice). Whoever has harvested the most amount of hair wins.

10. I'll Never Let Go
Turn on the Titanic soundtrack ("My Heart Will Go On"). One player leans over a structure until their feet leave the ground. Their teammate (feet on the ground) holds them for time. The team who lets go last wins.

11. Haiku
Everyone has 2 min to write a Haiku based off of a card they draw. Vote on the best for the win.

12. One Word Story
Draw an apples to apples card. Tell a story one word at a time (go in a circle) about the card. If you repeat a word, take longer than 1 second to answer, or make a shitty sentence, you lose.

13. Psychic Battle
Google 'SouthPark psychic battle' or 'Cartman vs psychics.'
Have a psychic battle of the minds between your teams.
Whoever laughs first loses.

14. Slap Cup
Place ~20 solo cups in the center of a table
Fill all cups with a small amount of cheap beer
Fill one cup to the brim with beer. This is the bitch cup, and it is not your friend.

Arrange Champions (all players play) around the table in an alternating fashion
- Team 1 Member 1
- Team 2 Member 1
- Team 1 Member 2
- Team 2 Member 2
and so on...

Two players across from each other have a ping pong ball and an empty solo cup
When the game begins, both players with an empty cup attempt to bounce the ball into the cup (bounce outs count as well)
When the player makes the ball in the cup, pass the cup and ball to the player on your right
If you make the ball into the cup and the player to the right of you also has an empty solo cup in front of them (but has yet to make a shot), bitch slap their cup off the table. That player takes a solo cup from the center of the table and drinks. The game DOES NOT STOP for this to happen. Once the losing player finishes drinking, they may try to make another shot into their empty solo cup. Meanwhile, the other empty solo cup goes around the table again. The point is to fuck the player who is drinking as much as possible by bringing the cup around again and force them to drink repeatedly.

If a player makes the ping pong ball into the solo cup on their first try, they may place the empty cup in front of anyone they desire. This may be used as a strategy to make specific players drink.

The last person to have their cup slapped drinks the bitch solo cup. Thereby losing the game, and the physical challenge. 

Tips and Tricks: High Pulls

I recently rediscovered one of the biggest bang for your buck movements. I have always been at my biggest and best when I include high pulls in my regular movement bucket. High pulls are similar to a power clean, except you do not catch the bar. Without having to worry about getting under the bar, you can focus on pulling with reckless abandon. As the weight gets heavier, your total height will obviously go down. Try to get each rep to nipple level or lower chest at the very least.

If starting from the ground, get your damn chest up and create tension in your lats, glutes, and hamstrings before beginning a rep. Return the bar to the ground as quickly as possible. Although catching the bar in the hang position will fry your forearms, it also increases the chance of jerking your lower back forward. Granted you will likely not be using enough weight to injure yourself (at most, I have used 270 for reps), it will cut your training short if your lower back gets prematurely fatigued.

This is not something you use for max effort. Repeated heavy efforts trump light/high reps or max singles. Translation: submaximal heavy reps for high sets. Get to it.

Surgeon General's Recommended Sets/Reps
I have used both 10x3 and 15x1 with great success. Whatever you choose, perform 1-2 quality reps at a weight above your working weight before you drill into your 10x3 or 15x1. This heavy primer set will make your working weight feel more manageable. This is useful considering the violent nature of the lift (you can attack set 1 with balls and vigor instead of settling into your groove on set 5).

DBZ Character to Channel: Recoome

Never go full retard...except on high pulls

Vanity and The Value of Cocoon Mode

Obama cocoon mode

Vanity can be ugly. To a certain extent, we all lift weights to look better. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but I've found it can interfere with what is really important.

Why are you lifting weights?
To get bigger and stronger
To prevent injury now and in the future
To feel fucking awesome

As soon as I see myself getting bigger, it overwhelms me. Suddenly I'm not lean enough or big enough. My training suffers as my main motivators to continue are overshadowed by inconsequential insecurities. Fuck. That. Shit.

Enter cocoon mode. Something as simple as wearing a hoodie while you train suddenly leaves you with nothing to look at. There is just you and the bar.

Wrap up. Get stronger.

Tips and Tricks: Dumbbell Snatches

I'll be honest, this entry is less of a 'how-to' and more of a love note.

Dumbbell snatches are fucking awesome. Unlike barbell snatches, they take virtually (there are tiny nuances, but anyone can do them correctly within 5min of seeing it) 0 technique to perform. I've found they are best utilized for tonic or -10% (i.e. shittastic) training days, or as a maintenance tool while you are injured.

For tonic or shitty days
This is a movement you can do relatively heavy without any thought. I've found it does not matter much whether I am feeling strong or weak, I can still put up a decent amount of weight for highish volume. So on those days where everything sucks, consider DB Snatches.

When Injured
A pretty common question I see floating around is: my ____ is fucked and the doctor says I need to be a pussy for the rest of my life. Answer: dumbbell snatches. These have helped to rehab messed up elbows and knees (not to mention they keep my shoulders happy). I can perform them with my groin tweaked and a herniated disc in my back (from the hang position, no biggie). They are not as useful for gaining strength and size as they are maintaining it. While this does not seem like hot shit, when you are injured it is a boon.

Going along with the theme - work around your injuries - give DB Snatches a shot, you will not regret it.

If starting from the hang position
Slight bend in the knees
Tension in the hamstrings and glutes
Arch your lower back, you should feel an isometric contraction in your lats. Use this as a shelf to pull the weight along with shrugging your traps

From the ground
About the same, you just have more time to use your legs to drive Ye weight up

Surgeon Generals Prescribed Sets/Reps
I prefer high sets with low reps 10-15x3 with as little rest as possible in between sets. Keep in mind this is sets per arm, not total.
Once I hit the largest dumbbells in your gym, I am going to elongate my sets by doing 2 rep clusters (hang snatch + power snatch = 1 rep).

DBZ Character to Channel: Master Roshi

Time for tonic snatches

Time for hang snatches. Maintain that 139 power level duder.

Tips and Tricks: Dips

Chest goes forward as your descend.

Elbows go out and back, not straight back and down. This motion should mimic your bench press form.

Surgeon General's Recommended Set/Rep Range

No idea, still playing with this myself

I have seen great results from 8x3, but I usually hit a wall once I get to BW+100lbs

DBZ Character Channeled - Krillin. Destructo dip.

Never hits jack shit

Southpark Gimp Fun

I was playing around with Gimp this afternoon (free Photoshop clone). While some aspects of the program are annoying, I was able to push together a quick project.

Shit Reddit Says

As a response to: What is your least favorite physical trait of the opposite sex?

Have you ever seen labia like pterodactyl midflight?
At the end of a long, Jack Daniel's soaked night,
You curled up with a lady whose face was so fair,
You'd never expect what she hid under there.
You slid under her skirt, and there, to your shock,
Was a sight quite appalling to your poor, desperate cock.
Not soft like a peach, but winged like a bat;
With a beak and a face like a naked mole rat.
You leapt to your feet with a bang and a clatter.
She sat up, and asked you what was the matter.
Try as you might, you just couldn't find words
To express the labia you would have preferred.
You just stumbled out silent, into the night,
Hoping to never again see pterodactyl midflight.

True Love

I got a call last night from one of my best friends. He let me know how wonderful his girlfriend was and how well they are doing together. He told me how great she makes him feel. He told me she makes him want to be a better man. Almost immediately, I thought of this and started photo-shopping it together.

Best 15 minutes I've ever spent giggling in a corner.

Phlegm

You are an unwelcome passenger
Host to every breathe and upset stomach
Who knew I could create something so vile and keep it like a dragon covets treasure
Every cough brings me closer to sanity, but there is still so much left inside
So coughing and coughing we will go

KOFFING. Also, not really about pneumonia.

Glute Ham Raises in a Commercial Gym

If you have had the opportunity to use a real glute ham raise bench, you might also know the abysmal difference when attempting the same movement in a commercial gym. A real glute ham raise bench will lock in your feet, easily transferring the power to your hamstrings and ass. In a commercial gym, you likely sit backwards on a rowing machine (using the knee holds to quasi lock in your ankles) and pump out 5-10 shitty reps.

I have been looking to increase the weight I use on this movement (as I do on all body weight exercises), but I have found the greatest leveling up I've done is increasing the time I spend in the eccentric (negative) motion. This leads to 5 awesome slow reps, then 5 rushed awkward flops. Because I've poured everything into stopping my downwards momentum -

This, by the way, is the largest difference between a fake and real glute ham bench. On a real bench, it is easy to reverse the motion with assistance from your hands. On a fake bench, you'd best catch yourself lest you want to avoid a face to nasty carpet incident.

- in the first few reps, my eccentric strength is gone for the remainder of the set. Increasing my reps/set over time has not fixed this issue. I propose instead to decrease my total reps/set, and make each movement strong as shit.

Quality over quantity. Get stronger.

Tips and Tricks: Sumo Power Shrug

Sumo Power Shrugs

Keep the bar CLOSE to your body. I usually scrap my thighs a lot. 

The entire motion occurs in thefull extension of a sumo rack pull.
Do not bend too much at your knees. The rebound from each rep will tear them up. Instead, bend a slight amount at the knees (barely break them) and use your hips to push and catch the weight. Remember, we are just trying to move the weight as much as possible, not get a full hold/extension.
Do not lean forward to build momentum, thiswill kill your lower back and end your day very quickly. 

In a full extension,the dip to build momentum occurs at the hips.

When dealing with maximal weights, range of motion is not the most important thing. Remember, you are (well...supposed to be) using weights well over your deadlift maximum. Just get the weight moving and shrug as hard as you can.
Get fucking angry
Hold your breathe until your reps are done. Lose your breathe and expect your lower back to take the brunt of the weight.

EDIT 11/3/12
Don't know why this visual helps, but it certainly did the trick for me (until my right hand exploded in a mound of blood blisters).

Imagine your body is a T-shaped crane with weights being supported on either end of the 'T.' If the weights stay close to the base of the crane, the crux of the 'T' bends but holds steady. However, if the weights gain momentum away from the crane's base, the crane releases the weights to protect the base.

EDIT 8/9/13

Squeeze your lats like you are trying to crush them into your body. Stay tight throughout the entire set.

EDIT 3/6/14
If you are having trouble powering up, start each rep from the pins (knee or slightly above knee height). Use the same explosive force to shrug the weight up. You may initially get less reps, but you will get slightly more pulling volume from successive rack pulls.

Surgeon general's recommended set/rep range

Option 1: Straight Sets
8-10x3, heavy with low rest periods

1x10 50-60 lbs less than your 8-10x3 sets (done after your heavy sets), busted out if you have the energy for it

Option 2: Top Down Pyramid

Over warmup with a static hold (somewhere in the range of > 50lbs of your top set. Hold the bar as long as possible while maintaining tension in your lats, glutes, and abs.

Work sets are 3xamap. Decrease the weight by about 40lbs each set. Increase each set's weight when you can hit 10 reps at a weight.

Option 3: Bottom Up Pyramid
Start with 135 on the bar, get 10 reps
Increase each set by 25 or 45 plates (185 or 225 will be your next set)
Stop when you cannot hit 10 reps on a set (or 5, whatever, just make it hard)

DBZ CharacterChanneled - Nappa

But Vegeta, Trix are for kids