Your workouts are too damn long

What appeared when I googled 'too much shit.'
You've got a friend in me.

Consider this...after approximately an hour of strength training, the trade off between a testosterone and cortisol boost turns sour. There is no reason why you should not be able to finish everything you need to in less than an hour. If you are consistently training for marathon sessions, perhaps it is time to objectively look at your routine and reflect a bit.

- How much shit is throwaway?
- How much work is isolation?
- How many movements are there just because they are your favorites?

Try this on for a solution.
Every session uses 1-3 heavy compound movements (rep ranges from 1-5). Partition your volume however you like, and try to keep your rests brief (provided you can still complete your work with good form). If you have finished your prescribed 3 movements in 45-50 minutes, the next 10-15 minutes are free time. Do your favorite exercise, do isolation, or leave. Your free time is not supposed to test the limits of the human genome. You did the hard shit already, now do something that doesn't matter. I think you will find you appreciate your choices more than if you struggled to keep everything in a 2hr block.

As an example, below is the workout I did last Sunday.
Back squats super set with weighted chinups
BS 135x5, CU BWx8
BS 165x3, CU 25x3
BS 185x3, CU 50x1
BS 225x3, CU 75x4
BS 245x2, CU 75x3
BS 265x2, CU 75x3
BS 285x2, CU 75x3
BS 305x1, CU 75x3
BS 315x2, CU 75x3
BS 230x6, CU 75x3
BS 230x6, CU 75x2
BS 230x6

Next, I super setted glute ham raises with klokov presses
GHR BWx9, K Press 125x5
GHR BWx9, K Press 125x4
GHR BWx9, K Press 125x3
K Press 70x3x11

This took 55 minutes to complete. I did one set of rear delt raises cause I felt like it (I had 0 energy for anything else). This is among my higher volume workouts. I usually finish all of the heavy shit within 45-50min after which I throw in some curls or pushdowns. Simple as that.

Get stronger, then do the pussy shit.

Deadlift Special part Trou

My goal. Full bear mode.

Progress through the second cycle of my deadlift special program:


Sumo Deadlift: 445x1 --> 455x1
Back Squat 300x2 --> 315x2
Bench Press 235x1 --> 235x1, fucking bench press
Rack Pull/Shrug 450x3 --> 460x3
Dips 90x4 --> 100x4
Chinups 70x4 --> 75x4

This month was a bit disappointing, but I made gains despite a string of terrible workouts. My hands/grip have started to become my weakest link. I have started to file down my callouses so my hands do not bleed after every pull session. Honestly, I am happy with my deadlift progress as long as I am putting at least 10lbs a month to my max.

I am very happy with the way my squats have been going. My 'weakest' lift confidence wise now feels natural.

The bench press, as usual, can go fuck itself.

Try and Calibrate: Volume and Load

Volume and load right where it needs to be.

As I mentioned in the previous installment of try and calibrate, you should pick a lifting program/philosophy and stick to it. As long as you are making gains on the same program, you should not go ADD on your programming. Alas, we feel the need to change shit up, and that is where we get into trouble. The simple solution is to try the same movements in a different order, or slowly introduce 1 element to see if it fits.

Let me be clear, this is not an attempt at muscle confusion. The mere idea that muscles can be confused (which is broadcasted in happy letters in LA Fitness every 5 minutes on the treadmill screen) makes me wish I had a diabetes gun. When I am trying to level up, I am trying to do 2 things (and not always at the same time):

1. Increase volume
2. Increase load

I like to look at these progressive overload methods in different terms as well:

1. Punishment
2. Reward

If I fail to reach my goal one week, I punish myself by adding volume in some way until I am clear to increase the load.

For example,
Last week's squat top set and back off sets:
315x2
230x3x5

Although I reached my goal of 315x2, the second rep was an ugly grind. I was in no way ready to progress to 320x2. Because I failed to increase the load from one week to the next, I increased the volume this week as a punishment.

This week:
315x2 (solid)
230x3x6

Obviously this is a very slight change from last week, but it offers me the ability to move forward bit by bit without repeating the same workout. Because I hit every rep I wanted to hit, next week will look like this:

320x2
235x3x5

The load is increased on both ends, and the volume drops back down to normal.

Off Days and the Merits of the Turtle

Train like Goku and Krillin underneath Master Roshi.


Roshi: The reason one becomes strong is to win battles! Not to make girls say 'Ooooooh! You're so strong!' Studying to become strong will make you healthier in body and soul and will allow you to enjoy life more. But! If you or another is ever threatened by someone committing an injustice, you must strike them down in a single blow! Understand everything so far?

Goku: Not a bit.

Roshi: Basically, let's just train hard and enjoy our lives ok?


Be strong, be in shape.
Test yourself occasionally with competition and maximum efforts.
Remember there is always someone stronger, always someone better. This is not your motivation to push harder, this is the reality you strive to fight against.
A strong body is useless without a strong mind.


Roshi: Work well, study well, play well, eat well and sleep well! This is the way of Kamesen style!

Get stronger by the way of the Turtle Hermit.

Saiyan Nutrition: Attacking your Food

I have a very simple diet. On training days, I attack food like it owes me money. On rest days, I take my time to learn how to cook healthy meals consisting of meat and vegetables.

For training days, I like to channel the Saiyan way of eating in DBZ. They never look at what they are eating, they ingest fuel until they can't move anymore. They do not snack all day, they imbibe large infrequent meals. If your sense of modesty (let's face it, decency) prevents you from doing this, think of an activity you do during that day that allows you to eat compulsively. When you are compulsively eating, you are not paying attention to hunger or any signs that you are full. You are shoveling shit into your mouth like it's your last meal. For me, this means reading a book while holding/forking my meal in the other hand. If your meal requires cutting (i.e. steak), do all of your prep work before you start to chow down. If your plate consists of carbs, proteins/fats, attack the protein/fat before you even think of touching the carbs. Do you feel like a plate of chicken after a bowl of pasta? I think not.

Go after it. Get stronger.

More Piccolo and Gohan

Nothing new here, I just love this quote from DBZ.

“I still remember the first day I brought you here. You were small, helpless. You’ve changed so much since then. The harder things got. The more determined you became. The more dangers you faced, the stronger you grew as a warrior. I know I was hard on you, but it was for your own good. You’re like the son I never had. I’m proud of you.”

~Piccolo to Gohan

Master and Pupil

Their training complete for the day, Piccolo and Gohan sat by the roaring fire. Through swollen lips and bruised cheekbones, a smile swells onto Gohan's face.


"You know Mr. Piccolo, everyone says you are a bad person."

"Maybe they are right."

"But I don't think you are so bad. I think you are a really good person, you just put up a front for everyone. I was hoping after we beat the Saiyans, you could come to my birthday party..."

"Shut up and go to sleep runt! We have to train harder tomorrow."


Gohan jumped at the surge in anger from his master and quickly feigned sleep. Piccolo felt new rage well within his heart threatening to overtake him.


"I should kill him," he thought, "How dare he say those things about me."


Piccolo tried to kill the resting 4 year old. He tried to forget what he had heard. He tried to fight against the competing voices in his head.

But it was too late.

Piccolo had made a friend.

Saiyan World Problems

I helped my friend make a movie the other day (I just acted and assisted with some blocking/DP work). It's a deeply intellectual and emotional piece that addresses an age old question: Do Super Saiyans have a poker tell?

http://vimeo.com/46744521

Cosplay: (God of War) Helios Head pt2

I've been working hard to get my Helios/Kratos costume ready for DragonCon 2012 :)
Both the head and costume come from the game God of War 3.

Please see the link below for the other installments of this prop:
Part 1
Part 3

Added a spray paint primer over the plastic mold. This allowed me to
get a base coat and still paint on top with acrylic paint. 

First run over the head with acrylic paint.

Added burnt eyes and bloody tears. It actually looks much better than this picture suggests...

Nick is wiring up headlamp lights to a battery pack.
It's good to know an electrical engineer.

More soldering pics. The headlamps are all connected to a single pack
of 3 triple A batteries. 

We took this video after Nick had hooked up the headlamps to a switch in the back of the head. Now I can charge up Helios' attack!

Injury Prevention

Three things
1. Take care of everything behind and on top of your body.
2. Foam roll if possible
3. Listen to your damn body, not your training book

1. Taking care of everything behind and on top of your body
Train your back, hamstrings, ass, traps, and shoulders like your life depends on it. When I feel things coming apart, it is usually because my glutes, hamstrings, and lats need some attention. Another reason to train these areas is they all support and form a strong body. GG.

2. Foam roll if possible
If it's sore, foam roll it
If it's chronic, foam roll it carefully
If it's injured, let it heal until you can foam roll it

3. Listen to your damn body, not your training book
I'll be honest, this is really hard to do. When you have a goal for the day and your body tells you to fuck off, your immediate reaction is to exude cult like dedication towards your notebook.

Mind: I HAVE to deadlift 385x8x3
Lower Back: Why? What I'm feeling is way beyond soreness. There is a 50/50 chance I break today if we follow our precious notebook. Do it Sunday.
Mind: The book says so. We will power through like we've done in the past.
Lower Back: Remember that time we HAD to deadlift 430x4 when I felt like shit? Remember how your girlfriend raped you when your herniated disc rendered you unable to move from the bed? Remember how you wanted to cum before you passed out from the pain? Is any of this registering you yid fuck?
Mind: Maybe we'll just press a bit.
Lower Back: Maybe we'll just press a bit.

This conversation went through my head today after my warmup set with 315x3. It felt terrible, as had the sets before them. I made the decision to hold the deadlift portion of my training until Sunday, losing nothing. If I had injured myself, I would have been out for another few months.

Let me be clear, sometimes you need to push hard through little pains (90% of the time, these nagging pains go away during your warmups). If something is a large concern to you, consider the risk of being out for months vs completing a daily task. You need to keep focused on the big picture if you want to minimize the time you spend away from training.

In short, be smart, but don't be a pussy. Get stronger.

Deadlift Special pt Deux

Now son, who took your bike?

So far, my push/pull/deadlift program is going quite well. Below are my current maxes after one month on the program (everything using a number greater than 1 for a rep count is a current working set value):

Sumo Deadlift: 415x1 --> 445x1
Back Squat 300x2
Front Squat 190x3 --> 205x3
Bench Press 235x1 --> 235x1, suck
Rack Pull/Shrug 405x3 --> 450x3, easy to increase
Dips 80x4 --> 90x4
Chinups 60x4 --> 70x4

Benefits
Physical changes? I'm starting to look like Bane. Yes. Yes. Yes. I received a lot of unwanted attention last night from a lot of my old coworkers. None of it was derogatory (ooo, you got fucking huge man, you look like an MMA fighter, etc), but I just get embarrassed by that kind of shit. At least none of them asked me how much I bench press now. Never ask that fucking question.

I attribute most of my back size to different levels of stimulation of the same muscle fibers (this is total bro-science, deal with it). The combination of heavy (sumo deadlifts/rack pulls/shrugs), medium (weighted chin-ups), and light (seated rows).

The oly lifts I abandoned do not seem to have fallen at all. In fact, lifts that were difficult before (i.e. 200-225 power clean) fly up with 0 problem. I mostly attribute this to increased lat activation, size, and strength.

I've also noticed 3 heavy sessions is plenty in a week. The 'small sessions' Paul Carter referred to is just extra volume I'm not crazy about. I prefer to rest up and do some bodyweight work/sprints instead.

Until things slow down considerably, I am going to stay the course. If my deadlift progress full on stops, I will switch over to a similar squat/bench focused program (and work on maintaining my deadlift strength).

Star Wars Haiku's: Cloud City

Cause, I'm in a nerdy mood and I've already written one poem tonight...

Cloud City

City in the sky
Trust no one or pay the price
How far will you fall

Journey

Epic

A White Giant sighs. I am born into a hostile desert.
From the heat comes a gentle whisper.
This whisper becomes a wind, the wind a gale, the gale a prod towards a light in the sky
My Journey begins

Sweeping the sand dunes by the graves of my brothers
Find the will to fly, find the friends to soar, find the way to my salvation
I wish I could speak to my fallen brothers at each stone, when did you lose sight of your Journey? When did you want to die?

Into the pits I fall, eluding beasts of times past
Journey's light will show me where to go, other light will kill me where I stand
Will the beasts' light find me? Will its sharp grip come as a shock or a relief?

Frozen. There is nothing here but wind and death. The pyramid's light is close, but it is forever pushed beyond my reach
The White Giants laugh at me with icy breath pushing my feet into the wet rubble
This is where I fall. This is where I become another stone on the path.
I sink into the snowy path, and everything becomes warm again.
My eyes are open, but it doesn't matter anymore. There is nothing to see.

The White Giants find me worthy, my Journey admirable
They toss my broken body up the mountain
My Journey is over, the light within my reach
Did I win? Or did I do nothing at all?

Yamcha: Wins the Warmups, Sucks a Dick in Practice

Tough like an Irish Vagina

There has been a lot of love and hate circulating the internet lately about the merits of Yamcha as a Z warrior. The argument goes something like this:

Pro - Yamcha is consistently the strongest human alive in the Z series (evidence below)

• The only Z fighter to defeat Goku outright in a head on battle
• Yamcha defeats Recoome on King Kai's planet when Vegeta, Krillin, and Gohan could not scratch him
• Yamcha almost single handedly overpowers Picolo during the Frieza saga 
• Androids 19 and 20 mistaken Yamcha for Goku because of his high power level
• Yamcha can defeat Tien and Krillin in Heaven during the Buu saga

Con - Yamcha loses every important battle where something is on the line

• Defeated by Jackie Chun in the 1st martial arts world tournament
• Defeated by Bandages the Mummy 
• Defeated by Tien in the 2nd martial arts world tournament 
• Defeated by Kami in the 3rd martial arts world tournament
• Killed by a Saibaman in the Saiyan saga (only human to die in this fashion)
• Defeated by a Cell Jr.

Let's go ahead and clear something up. There is some discrepancy over whether Krillin is stronger than Yamcha near the end of DBZ - 

Yamcha: Let's put it this way, I definitely wouldn't want to fight him* (*Krillin, in the 2nd to last DBZ world martial arts tournament).

- but there is a large gap where Yamcha fails and Krillin rules. Yamcha wins every non-essential battle he faces, but loses everything that actually matters. This is akin to getting the best score for the warm-ups or the practice in an athletic event, but losing the actual game. It does not matter that Yamcha is the strongest or not at any point of DB or DBZ, since he loses everything worth a damn. Is Nappa, Vegeta, Frieza, Cell, or Majin Buu impressed with your warmup? I think not. 

Suck a dick Yamcha. Get stronger (where it counts).

Try and Calibrate

There are two terrible things you can do while trying to make gains on a strength/size program.
1. Constantly change your main exercises
2. Alter all elements of your training philosophy

We are ALL guilty of this, but we need to recognize the problem for what it is. If you do not follow a consistent and methodical process to reach your goals, you are wasting your time. Perhaps this is ok in your book (I'm looking at you there muscle confusion retards), but anyone looking to get bigger and stronger needs to stay the course unless something is seriously wrong.

I've reached a point where I can no longer read any fitness threads on reddit. They all offer the same questions:
Barbell bench vs Dumbbell Bench?
Leg Press vs Squats?
Which row is the best row?
Why is my leaky vagina so cold?

Dude, you are looking for an answer that does not exist. Generic programs (i.e. 5/3/1, Starting Strength, etc) exist because they feature time tested movements and rep ranges that will work for anyone. This does not mean that these are the best movements for you, nor should you venture to tell anyone which are the best movements/rep schemes for them.

If a movement seems interesting to you, try and add one on a -10% (i.e. shit-tastic) training day, or at the end of a regular training session. Notice I said add one, not 20. If you change 20 variables at once, 19 may be magic and one might be poison. If you are able to sort through the garbage by adding/editing one movement at a time, you will be able to note how this affects your training strength and progress. If this new movement inspires improvements over a month's time, calibrate and consider adding it as a staple in your routine.

An easy way to include this methodology in your routine without going nuts is by labeling one movement in each training day that does not change no matter what. This movement should allow you to work with heavy ass weights, and you shall not dare fuck with it.

For example, my current routine below details out which movements I consider vital vs open for calibration (labeled with CAL):

<Example>

Day 1
Sumo Deadlift 8x3
Klokov Press 24-30 reps CAL
Seated Row 30-60 reps CAL

Day 2
Back Squat (work to a max double)
Back Squat 1x10
Front Squat 5x3
DB Bench 5x5 CAL
Chinup 8x3 CAL

Day 3
Dips 24-30 reps
Seated Row 30-60 reps CAL
Rack Pull/Shrugs 8x3, 1x10

</Example>

Experiment and calibrate. Level up. Profit.
Get stronger.

Stronger

I've ranted about this before, but I need a reminder what my goals are every once in a while.

Whatever you do, whatever your passion, get stronger. The concept of getting stronger divorces you from the concept of outside influence or approval. The concept of getting stronger is its own reward.

It is ok to be unhappy sometimes. It is never ok to be negative about yourself or those who surround you. Negativity only breeds negativity, there is no end to an attempt to discover this tunnel. Surround yourself with friends, family, and thoughts that fight the negativity that festers inside of you. Remember, what would Satan do?

I'm da greatest (except for Goku, Gohan, Picollo, Vegeta, Tien, Roshi, Yamcha, Kami,
guns, cars, Yamcha, Chi-Chi, Chaotzu, more than 15 phone books)!
Still, positive thought.

Cosplay: (God of War) Helios Head pt1

How do you shame a God? Tear his fucking head off and use it as a flashlight. Donezo.

This year's Kratos costume will use an item from God of War 3: Helios's severed head.

See the links below for the other installments of this series:
Part 2
Part 3

Kratos haz a boner. Where does it go?

To create:
- Cut a foam head in half, insides sanded down
- Attached LEDs to the back of the head (may revise)
- Used a thermoplastic called Instamorph to create 'skin'

Looks like I hadn't jacked off in months

I am Krul, leader of the ant people. Kneel before Krul.

You wanna die? I said kneel bitch!

Next Steps:
- Paint Helios's plastic skin
- Add a wig and blood
- Potentially cut out the bottom of the head and insert more lights (and a mirror???)

Cock Hernia

Somehow I got a fun little hernia playing football with my friends. Once again, I'm learning how to work out around this injury, but it is proving itself a bitch.

Acceptable Exercises:
Dips
Good Mornings (VERY surprised on this one)
BW Chinups (have to be careful to not flex abs)
Seated Cable Rows
Shrugs (maybe, being careful with this one too)
Curls
Seated Press

So...my safest routine for now...
Good Mornings 10x3
Weighted Dips 10x3
Seated Cable Rows 5x10
Rear Delt Raises 3xwhatever
Calves 3x15

Work around your injuries. Pouting about what you can't do wastes energy.

Breaking Back: Lessons Learned

I learned a few lessons from hurting my back. Some were more obvious than others, but this has been a good learning experience overall.

Recording and collecting technique tips that work for you is far more important than recording sets/reps performed.

Going for broke (failure) on deadlifts is flat out retarded. The lift that hurt me was on rep 1. I was so concentrated on blowing through all 4 reps, my concentration was not even close to the heavy ass weight that broke me.

You have not stalled progress if you cannot complete 10x3 at a certain weight. If you move down to doubles and singles, fine. It is when your technique falls to pieces and you have trouble completing a single rep when you have hit a plateau, but it may also just be a bad day. The human body is not a machine. Trying to treat it like a machine works for about 6 weeks. Fuck man, anything works for about 6 weeks (Dan John)

Stretch.

Include more bodyweight exercises (weighted and unweighted)

No one exercise is necessary (thinking I will be weak and small if I don't do X is retarded). Exceptions are the full squat and a deadlift variation.

Dumbbells do not transfer to barbells. Not a God damned bit.

Progressive overload is all that matters.

Instead of doing everything at once over a stretched period, do a few things weekly. Get strong at the main movements, cycle them out when you start to stall.

Your body will tell you when you are being an asshole. Listen and change accordingly. My hints:
- Callouses would regularly rip off my hands from overuse. Wear them down before they rip. More time without constant heavy sessions greatly aids in this type of recovery.
- The left side of my back would always feel more pressure from pulls than my right. This was a result of the failure of my left ass and hamstring to fire.
- Hitting a PR did not mean I could hit it 15 more times in the same day (retarded, just retarded)

Chaos and Pain - Picking a Working Weight for Straight Sets

I feel slightly retarded...

For months, I would use linearly increasing weights week by week until I could no longer progress, then decrease the total reps/set and continue pushing until something terrible happened. Typically, my hands would rip open from excessive shear forces, I would have a series of terrible training days, or would just feel stuck.

The reasoning behind this should have been obvious...at some point, I would be training with a new max as a working weight. The first time I push pressed 225 behind my neck, it took me 5minutes to build up the nerve to start the set. After I completed the lift and had a good case of not deads, I realized I needed to put up 14 more singles at 225 to finish out the day. Fuck that man.

A better approach would be to work within percentages of a daily max (~85-95% of the max). That way, I can hit a heavy single, then work within that day's capacity at a lower weight and higher volume with a weight I've already conquered. You should be repping out (i.e. 2-5 reps) with a weight you KNOW you have destroyed in the past. It would feel much more natural to hit 225 for reps if I hit a single at 265 a few minutes beforehand.